Former boxing king Mike Tyson says that he starred in the hit film “The Hangover” only to fund his drug habit. He then announced his immediate availability to star in “Hangover 2,” “Hangover 3” and “Hangover 4: The Phantom Menace.” Lindsay Lohan was released from jail Monday after serving 14 days for probation violations. The [...]

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Tags: "Sing Along with Mitch", "The Hangover", 2012 presidential race, Baltimore Orioles, baseball, boxing, California, Charles Rangel, Cuba, drugs, Elian Gonzalez, ESPN, ESPY Awards, ethics, Fidel Castro, hermaphrodite, Iowa, John Shipley, Kansas City Royals, Lady GaGa, Lindsay Lohan, Mary Pawlenty, Maxine Waters, Mike Tyson, Minnesota, Minnesota Twins, Mitch Miller, NASCAR, Phantom Menace, probation, racist, Seattle Mariners, Tampa Bay Rays, tap dancing, Tim Pawlenty, toilet gin, U.S. House of Representatives

Every number tells a story. And if it doesn’t, we carefully craft one using the finest natural ingredients. 44 Number of Democratic members of Congress willing to have President Obama campaign for them this fall. 4 Length, in seconds, of the average iPhone 4 call before the signal is lost. 7 Joe Mauer’s speed, in [...]

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Tags: "The Decision", 2008 Minnesota Senate race, adultery, Al Franken, Al Gore, All-Star Game, Allen Ludden, anti-Semite, appearance fee, Apple, Barack Obama, baseball, Betty White, birthday party, BP, Brett Favre, bribery, British Petroleum, bullet-proof vest, Cleveland Cavaliers, Congress, Democrats, dogfighting, Election Day, ESPN, ESPY Awards, extradition, felons, free agency, Global warming, governor, Gulf Coast, Gulf of Mexico, infidelity, iPhone 4, Joe Mauer, LeBron James, Lindsay Lohan, manicurist, masseuse, mating, Mel Gibson, Miami Heat, Michael Vick, middle finger, Minnesota, Minnesota Twins, Minnesota Vikings, Molly Hagerty, National Enquirer, NBA, NFL, Norm Coleman, oil spill, Password, Philadelphia Eagles, probation, profanity, racist, reception, restaurant, Roman Polanski, sexist, shooting, slow, statutory rape, Switzerland, tapes, tip, Tom Emmer, Virginia Beach, vote fraud

1. Mel Gibson Didn’t he used to LIKE fake boobs? (previous ranking: 2. LeBron James Trying to get Derek Fisher to join Heat for $6 an hour. (1) 3. Lance Armstrong “Finished.” (unranked) 4. Barack Obama Great news … only 55 percent think he’s a socialist. (unranked) 5. The Netherlands Wasted an entire month on another World [...]

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Tags: 2010 World Cup, adultery, affair, anti-Semite, audio tapes, Barack Obama, BP, Brazil, breast implants, Bruno Fernandes, child pornography, Chris Bosh, cycling, Dennis Green, Derek Fisher, drugs, Dwyane Wade, ESPN, free agency, goalie, Gulf Coast, Gulf of Mexico, Iran, jail, James Carville, Jeremy Green, Lance Armstrong, LeBron James, Lindsay Lohan, Marsha Revel, Mel Gibson, Miami Heat, murder, NBA, Netherlands, oil spill, Oksana Grigorieva, poll, probation, racist, sexist, soccer, socialist, South Africa, Spain, stoning, TMZ, Tony Hayward, Tour de France

1. Caster Semenya Won the right to compete as a woman, and that took a lot of balls. (previous ranking: unranked) 2. Lindsay Lohan Will no doubt meet some real “Mean Girls” in prison. (unranked) 3. Cleveland Not even LeBron James can convince Chris Bosh to move there. (unranked) 4. George Michael Crashes his car, [...]

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Tags: "Mean Girls", 2010 World Cup, adultery, Al Franken, arrest, assclown, car crash, Caster Semenya, Charles Manson, Chris Bosh, Cleveland, Cleveland Cavaliers, divorce, Elin Nordegren, ESPN, Europe, free agency, gender test, George Michael, Gulf Coast, Gulf of Mexico, heat wave, hermaphrodite, Holland, hot dog eating contest, infidelity, Ireland, Japan, LeBron James, Leslie Van Houten, Lindsay Lohan, Manson Family, Minnesota, Nathan's, NBA, Netherlands, Northeast, oil spill, parole, politics, press conference, prison, probation, public sex, rest room, skimmers, soccer, South Africa, Squeaky Fromme, Takeru Kobayashi, tar balls, Texas, third-place game, Tiger Woods, track and field, U.S. Senate, Uruguay, Washington, Wham!

1. USC Trojans Getting a two-year bid to the Probation Bowl. (previous ranking: unranked) 2. Gulf Coast oil spill Doing wonders for BP stock. (2) 3. Big 12 Conference Will the last one out please turn off the lights! (7) 4. Michael Leighton Flyers goalie picked bad time to go all Swiss. (unranked) 5. “Real Housewives” Significantly more slutty than [...]

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Tags: "Real Housewives of New Jersey", "Real Housewives of New York", Afghanistan, Aramis Ramirez, bankruptcy, Ben Roethlisberger, Big 12 Conference, Big Ten Conference, BP, Bravo, British Petroleum, Brooke Hundley, capital punishment, cheating, Chicago Blackhawks, Chicago Cubs, cologne, Colorado Buffaloes, ESPN, Georgia, goalie, Gulf Coast, Gulf of Mexico, hanging, indecent exposure, Jeremiah Masoli, Michael Leighton, NCAA, Nebraska Cornhuskers, oil spill, Oregon Ducks, Pac 10 Conference, Pete Carroll, Philadelphia Flyers, Pittsburgh Steelers, pornography, probation, reality TV, Reggie Bush, sex assault, sexual harassment, sieve, Stanley Cup finals, Steve Phillips, stock market, Swiss cheese, Taliban, USC Trojans

Every number tells a story … or a least a pithy one-liner.  40  Estimated age difference between Tipper Gore and Al Gore’s next mate.  33   Number of Chicago Blackhawks fans, give or take a couple, who can correctly spell the name of Dustin Byfuglien.  15  Times during his Tuesday night interview with Lady Gaga [...]

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Tags: "Jersey Shore", 2008 presidential race, adultery, Al Gore, alcoholism, appeals, approval rating, Armando Galarraga, Ashley Judd, Barack Obama, baseball, Ben Roethisberger, BP, British Petroleum, Chicago Blackhawks, Cleveland Cavaliers, closer, CNN, Cy Young Award, Dario Franchitti, diuretics, divorce, donors, drunk driving, Dustin Byfuglien, free agency, Guidettes, Guidos, Gulf Coast, Gulf of Mexico, heart, hype, Indianapolis 500, infidelity, Jarrod Wyatt, Jim Joyce, Jimmy Williams, Jon Rauch, Kevin Williams, Lady GaGa, Larry King, Larry King Live, lawsuit, LeBron James, light bulb, Lindsay Lohan, Milwaukee Brewers, MInnesota Gophers, Minnesota Twins, murder, mutilation, NBA, neck, NFL, NHL playoffs, obese, Ohio, oil spill, Pat Williams, perfect game, phenom, pitcher, Pittsburgh Steelers, Prince Fielder, probation, rape, Roseau, scandal, sex assault, Shannon Engemann, Shawn King, spelling, Stanley Cup finals, Starcaps, Stephen Strasburg, suspensions, tattoos, Tipper Gore, Trevor Hoffman, Tubby Smith, ultimate fighting, umpire, Washington Nationals, wedding rings

  1. Bill Belichick  Enjoyed much longer playoff runs when he was cheating. (Previous ranking: unranked)  2. Harry Reid  Apparently not a big fan of every dialect. (unranked)  3. Chad Ochocinco  What’s the Spanish word for “non-entity”? (unranked)  4. Pete Carroll  Didn’t want to wait around for USC’s next probation. (unranked)  5. Jay Leno  Sets new standard in prime-time fail. [...]

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Tags: "Celebrity Rehab", "Tonight Show", 9-11, Aaron Childress, Arizona Cardinals, Baltimore Ravens, Barack Obama, Bill Belichick, Brad Childress, Chad Ochocinco, cheating, Cincinnati Bengals, Conan O'Brien, Conrad Murray, Darth Vader, Dennis Rodman, drunk driving, Green Bay Packers, Harry Reid, homicide, indictment, Jay Leno, Michael Jackson, Minnesota Vikings, NBC, Nevada, New England Patriots, New York, New York Jets, NFL, Pete Carroll, probation, propofol, Rudy Giuliani, Seattle Seahawks, U.S. Senate, USC Trojans, Vince Lombardi

1. New Orleans Saints You didn’t really think they were perfect, did you? (Previous ranking: unranked) 2. Minnesota Wild’s equipment Still smokin’. (unranked) 3. Tiger Woods Voted Player of the Decade by Associated Press, PGA Tour and the Wilt Chamberlain Fan Club. (2) 4. Global warming Took another hiatus this weekend on East Coast. (unranked) 5. Denny Hecker Great news, [...]

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Tags: Associated Press, beatification, blizzard, Bobby Knight, Chicago Cubs, Dallas Cowboys, Denny Hecker, dissidents, divorce, East Coast, fire, Global warming, Iran, Joe McKnight, John Calipari, Kentucky Wildcats, Masachusetts Minutemen, Memphis Tigers, Milton Bradley, Minnesota Wild, New Orleans Saints, NFL, PGA Tour, Pope Pius XII, probation, sainthood, Seattle Mariners, Tabitha Hecker, Tiger Woods, USC Trojans, Wilt Chamberlain