1. Hurricane Earl Could do more damage to Jersey Shore than “Jersey Shore.” (previous ranking: unranked) 2. James Jay Lee Here’s an Inconvenient Truth: There’s one less “parasitic human” soiling the Earth. (unranked) 3. Tony Blair Could hold his liquor, but preferred to drink it. (unranked) 4. Penn State’s Nittany Lion Speaking of drunks … (unranked) 5. [...]

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Tags: "An Inconvenient Truth", "Jersey Shore", 2004 presidential race, Al Gore, alcoholism, Chicago White Sox, Congress, Cuba, dictator, Discovery Channel, English, environmentalist, faint, Fidel Castro, gays, Great Britain, heat, Hurricane Earl, Iowa Hawkeyes, James Jay Lee, Joey Cora, John Kerry, Josh Koeppel, Julian Assange, liquor, Manny Ramirez, mascot, memoirs, moped, New Jersey, Outer Banks, Penn State Nittany Lions, persecution, prime minister, sex assault, Spanish, Sun Myung Moon, Sweden, tennis, Teresa Heinz Kerry, Tony Blair, translator, truck, U.S. Open, Unification Church, Victoria Azarenka, Washington Times, Wikileaks

A government investigation has found overwhelming evidence that maggots and rodents are wreaking havoc at … A. Two Iowa egg farms B. A Minnesota meat packing facility C. ESPN Minnesota Vikings fans have cause for concern after this key figure revealed that he has “no idea” if he’ll make it through the season … A. [...]

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Tags: 1974, 2012 presidential race, Alaska, Aroldis Chapman, baboons, Barack Obama, Bill Clement, Bob Kelly, Brad Childress, Brett Favre, Broad Street Bullies, Canada, Chicago White Sox, Cincinnati Reds, citizenship, Cro-Magnon, Cy Young Award, Dave Schultz, Democrats, dreadlocks, egg farms, ESPN, France, Gallup poll, grapes, Great Britain, Hezbollah, Iraq War, Jerry Reinsdorf, Joe Miller, Joe the Plumber, John McEnroe, Lisa Murkowski, Los Angeles Dodgers, maggots, Manny Ramirez, Minnesota Vikings, New York Yankees, NHL, Orest Kindrachuk, Oval Office, Percy Harvin, perjury, Philadelphia Flyers, prime minister, Princess Diana, Republicans, rodents, Roger Clemens, Sarah Palin, soccer, South Africa, Tony Blair, vineyards, wine, women's tennis, World Cup

1. Lady Gaga Next time you’re in St. Paul, for the love of God, put on some clothes! (previous ranking: unranked) 2. Mark Ingram So much for back-to-back Heismans. (unranked) 3. Barack Obama You’d almost think The Iraq Surge was his idea. (unranked) 4. Roger Clemens Enjoys post-arraignment golf with wife … because Mindy was busy. (1) [...]

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Tags: Alabama Crimson Tide, anchorman, arraignment, arthroscopic surgery, Barack Obama, Ben Roethlisberger, Cancun, Chicago White Sox, Chris Chelios, CNN, cotton-picking, Debbie Clemens, drug wars, George W. Bush, golf, hair, Head & Shoulders, Heisman Trophy, insurance, Iraq War, Lady GaGa, Los Angeles Dodgers, Manny Ramirez, Mark Ingram, Mexico, Mike Wise, Mindy McCready, Minnesota, Moltov cocktails, NHL, Pittsburgh Steelers, retirement, Rick Sanchez, Roger Clemens, shampoo, St. Paul, surge, suspension, Troy Polamalu, Twitter, Washington Post

1. Roger Clemens “Not guilty, your honor,” he said with a remarkably straight face. (previous ranking: unranked) 2. Paris Hilton Not just drug charges. Felony drug charges. (1) 3. Brett Favre Lubricant injections in his ankle? Yuck! (unranked) 4. Justin Morneau Don’t hold your breath waiting for him to return. (unranked) 5. Glenn Beck “I have a [...]

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Tags: ankle, arraignment, birth control, birth rate, boxing, Brett Favre, Carla Bruni, Chicago White Sox, Cocaine, concussion, felony, Fox News Channel, France, Glenn Beck, Iran, Jamey Toney, Justin Morneau, Las Vegas, Los Angeles Dodgers, lubricant, Manny Ramirez, Maurice Clarett, Minnesota Twins, Minnesota Vikings, MMA, New York Yankees, NFL, Nicolas Sarkozy, Ohio State Buckeyes, Ozzie Guillen, Paris Hilton, perjury, prostitute, Randy Couture, Roger Clemens, UFC 118, UFL, ultimate fighting, waivers, Washington

Numbers can sometimes have deep meanings. Other times, they’re merely used to craft the most obvious of one-liners … 44 Days until Hillary Clinton drops her first hint about challenging President Obama for the 2012 Democratic nomination. 4 Hours of restless sleep Brett Favre has been getting each night since hearing about Sidney Rice’s hip [...]

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Tags: "Jersey Shore", 2012 presidential race, Adrian Peterson, Afghanistan, African-Americans, Albert Haynesworth, Barack Obama, Ben Roethlisberger, Boston Red Sox, Brett Favre, Chicago, Chicago Cubs, Chicago White Sox, Congress, Democrats, divorce, domestic violence, Dr. Laura Schlessinger, drunk, Elin Nordegren, English, ESPN, fatty, fumbles, Hillary Clinton, hip surgery, human growth hormone, hung jury, Illinois, informants, Jay Mariotti, Johnny Damon, Julian Assange, lie detector tests, Los Angeles Dodgers, lying, Manny Ramirez, migraines, Minnesota Vikings, New York Yankees, Nicole Polizzi, Percy Harvin, Pittsburgh Steelers, Rachel Uchitel, racist, Rod Blagojevich, Roger Clemens, Sammy Sosa, sexual assault, Sidney Rice, Snooki, Steroids, Taliban, teens, texting, Tiger Woods, waivers, Washington Redskins, Wikileaks

1. Bozo the Clown The Wilt Chamberlain of children’s television, according to his ex. (previous ranking: unranked) 2. Sidney Rice Smartly waited until Favre returned before scheduling his hip surgery. (unranked) 3. Adolf Hitler Would be just delighted to know he had Jewish and black relatives. (unranked) 4. Tiger Woods And now … back to the ho’s. [...]

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Tags: Adolf Hitler, adultery, Angelina Jolie, anti-Semite, Asian carp, bladder cancer, Bozo the Clown, Brad Pitt, Brett Favre, Chicago White Sox, Deadspin.com, divorce, DNA testing, Elin Nordegren, Fish, Great Lakes, hip, infidelity, intoxication, Larry Harmon, lemon butter, Los Angeles Dodgers, Manny Ramirez, Minnesota Vikings, Oregon State Beavers, Pittsburgh Pirates, processed meats, racist, revenue sharing, Sandra Harmon, Sidney Rice, Southside, Tiger Woods, Tyler Thomas, Wilt Chamberlain

What do you get when you mash up Brett Favre, Tiger Woods, LeBron James and a good beat that you can dance to? It’s “Press Hop 2,” the latest viral video by DJ Steve Porter, whose original number became a YouTube sensation. You’ll laugh. You’ll cry. And you’ll tap your toes, too!

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Tags: "Press Hop 2", Bobby Knight, Brett Favre, Charles Barkley, DJ Steve Porter, LeBron James, Manny Ramirez, Mike Tyson, Press Hop, Tiger Woods, YouTube

Vietnam has shut down dozens of dog meat restaurants and slaughterhouses because of an outbreak of cholera. The news is especially disappointing for the loyal customers of the Ho Chi Minh City Applebee’s. Michele Bachmann raised eyebrows over the weekend by saying the U.S. is becoming ”a nation of slaves.” The Minnesota representative was immediately sued by [...]

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Tags: "NFL Countdown", "The Decision", 1977, 2010 World Cup, 911 Turbo Coupe, Academy Awards, Ames, Applebee's, auction, Barack Obama, baseball, BP, British Petroleum, burglary, California, cholera, Chris Berman, Cleveland Cavaliers, college basketball, containment cap, David Stern, death threats, Democrats, dog meat, ESPN, extradition, free agency, golf, Gulf Coast, Gulf of Mexico, Ho Chi Minh City, imbecile, Iowa State Cyclones, Jesse Jackson, LeBron James, locks, Los Angeles Dodgers, manners, Manny Ramirez, Mel Gibson, Miami Heat, Michele Bachmann, Minnesota, MInnesota Gophers, Mr. Basketball, NBA, oil spill, Oksana Grigorieva, Oscars, Paul the Octopus, Pete Rozelle, Porsche, Pro Football Hall of Fame, Republicans, Robert Gibbs, Roman Polanski, rose garden, Saigon, Samantha Geimer, sexual assault, shoplifting, shrine, slavery, Switzerland, theft, U.S. House of Representatives, United States, Vietnam, White House

1. Killer whales Occasionally live up to their name. (Previous ranking: unranked) 2. Jay McGwire His brother’s keeper? Not exactly. (unranked)  3. The health care summit Almost as watchable as regular C-Span. (unranked) 4. Hormel Dome Dogs apparently not classy enough for Target Field. (unranked) 5. Tony Kornheiser At least he dresses his age … unlike Hannah Storm. (6) [...]

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Tags: "Greatest Love of All", "Pardon the Interruption", "Zoolander", 2010 Winter Olympics, Alex Rodriguez, Australia, Barack Obama, baseball, Ben Stiller, bodybuilding, book, C-Span, cage match, Canada, crack, Dome Dogs, drug testing, ESPN, Evgeni Nabokov, goaltending, Hannah Storm, health care reform, HGH, hockey, Hormel, human growth hormone, Jay McGwire, Julia Mancuso, killer whales, Lindsey Vonn, Los Angeles Dodgers, Manny Ramirez, Mark McGwire, Metrodome, Minnesota Twins, New York Yankees, Orlando, Owen Wilson, Russia, SeaWorld, skiing, slalom, St. Louis Cardinals, Steroids, suspension, Swiss cheese, Target Field, Tony Kornheiser, Vancouver, Whitney Houston

Elton John revealed this week that he is working closely with Eminem to help the rap star conquer his addiction to … A. Drugs B. Alcohol C. Women Republican party chairman Michael Steele, in a candid interview, admitted that the GOP “screwed up” in the years after the departure of this popular president … A. Reagan B. [...]

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Tags: "Ishtar", Abraham Lincoln, Barack Obama, Beyonce, boxing, Brett Favre, Democratic Party, drugs, drunk driving, Dwight Eisenhower, Ed Gein, Edmonton Oilers, Elton John, Eminem, Evander Holyfield, GOP, guns, Jay-Z, Jayson Williams, Jeffery Dahmer, Kanye West, Los Angeles Dodgers, Manny Ramirez, Matt Kemp, Michael Steele, Minnesota Vikings, Moammar Gadhafi, NBA, New Year's Eve, NFL, NHL, Republican Party, Rihanna, Ronald Reagan, Theo Fleury, Tiger Woods, Vanity Fair, Warren Beatty, Washington Wizards, Wisconsin