1. Roger Clemens “Not guilty, your honor,” he said with a remarkably straight face. (previous ranking: unranked) 2. Paris Hilton Not just drug charges. Felony drug charges. (1) 3. Brett Favre Lubricant injections in his ankle? Yuck! (unranked) 4. Justin Morneau Don’t hold your breath waiting for him to return. (unranked) 5. Glenn Beck “I have a [...]

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Tags: ankle, arraignment, birth control, birth rate, boxing, Brett Favre, Carla Bruni, Chicago White Sox, Cocaine, concussion, felony, Fox News Channel, France, Glenn Beck, Iran, Jamey Toney, Justin Morneau, Las Vegas, Los Angeles Dodgers, lubricant, Manny Ramirez, Maurice Clarett, Minnesota Twins, Minnesota Vikings, MMA, New York Yankees, NFL, Nicolas Sarkozy, Ohio State Buckeyes, Ozzie Guillen, Paris Hilton, perjury, prostitute, Randy Couture, Roger Clemens, UFC 118, UFL, ultimate fighting, waivers, Washington

1. Processed meats A little bladder cancer is a small price to pay for all that tastiness. (previous ranking: unranked) 2. Brad Pitt Now favors death penalty for guy who talked him into doing “Moneyball.” (unranked) 3. Tiger Woods Ladies, he’s available! (unranked) 4. Julian Assange Doesn’t believe in secrets … except when it comes to [...]

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Tags: "Around the Horn", "Big Brother", adderall, adultery, Albert Haynesworth, bladder cancer, BP, Brad Pitt, California, cancer, capital punishment, Chicago, corruption, Cuba, Dawn Brancheau, death penalty, divorce, domestic violence, Elin Nordegren, ESPN, Facebook, Gulf Coast, Illinois, infidelity, Iran, Jay Mariotti, Julian Assange, killer whale, Lindsay Lohan, Middle East, Mike Shanahan, Moneyball, North Korea, oil spill, peace talks, processed meats, reality TV, Rod Blagojevich, San Diego, Sean Penn, SeaWorld, Tiger Woods, Tilikum, war, Washington Redskins, Wikileaks

Brett Favre completed one pass during his only series of play during Sunday’s exhibition loss at San Francisco. The Vikings’ quarterback said he “would have liked another series, but I didn’t argue,” preferring to wait until the regular season before publicly showing up Brad Childress. Lou Piniella retired as the Chicago Cubs’ manager after Sunday’s [...]

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Tags: "Ambassador of Death", "Around the Horn", Atlanta Braves, Brad Childress, Brett Favre, Chicago Cubs, domestic violence, drone, ESPN, Facebook, Flushing Meadows, Iran, Jay Mariotti, Julian Assange, Laura Dekker, Lou Piniella, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Minnesota Vikings, Nathan Lane, Netherlands, New York, North Korea, rape, retirement, sailing, San Francisco 49ers, Serena Williams, Sweden, tennis, U.S. Open, Wikileaks

1. Brett Favre “SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!” (previous ranking: 1) 2. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Were they unable to hire competent assassins? (unranked) 3. Alex Rodriguez Hits his 600th homer. Nice job, Steroid Boy! (unranked) 4. Obamacare Only 71 percent of Missouri voters think it’s a pile of crap. (unranked) 5. Gulf Coast oil spill Wait … [...]

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Tags: 9-11, Albert Haynesworth, Alex Rodriguez, Aretha Franklin, assassination, Barack Obama, BP, breastfeeding, Brett Favre, cell phone, Deadspin, fitness test, Gisele Bundchen, Ground Zero, Gulf Coast, Haiti, health care reform, Iran, IRS, Islam, Jenn Sterger, Louisiana, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, mandate, Manhattan, Minnesota Vikings, Missouri, mosque, New York Jets, New York Yankees, NFL, nudity, obesity, oil spill, retirement, Steroids, stripper, supermodel, Tom Brady, Washington Redskins, Wyclef Jean

1. Mel Gibson Didn’t he used to LIKE fake boobs? (previous ranking: 2. LeBron James Trying to get Derek Fisher to join Heat for $6 an hour. (1) 3. Lance Armstrong “Finished.” (unranked) 4. Barack Obama Great news … only 55 percent think he’s a socialist. (unranked) 5. The Netherlands Wasted an entire month on another World [...]

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Tags: 2010 World Cup, adultery, affair, anti-Semite, audio tapes, Barack Obama, BP, Brazil, breast implants, Bruno Fernandes, child pornography, Chris Bosh, cycling, Dennis Green, Derek Fisher, drugs, Dwyane Wade, ESPN, free agency, goalie, Gulf Coast, Gulf of Mexico, Iran, jail, James Carville, Jeremy Green, Lance Armstrong, LeBron James, Lindsay Lohan, Marsha Revel, Mel Gibson, Miami Heat, murder, NBA, Netherlands, oil spill, Oksana Grigorieva, poll, probation, racist, sexist, soccer, socialist, South Africa, Spain, stoning, TMZ, Tony Hayward, Tour de France

1. Lindsay Lohan Is that a “F*** U” on your middle fingernail? Or are you just happy to see Judge Revel? (previous ranking: 2) 2. Miami Heat Two megastars down, 10 stiffs to go. (unranked) 3. ESPN Has remarkably few qualms about choreographing news stories. (unranked) 4. Levi Johnston Media gobbles up his Palin accusations, ignores his [...]

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Tags: 2010 World Cup, Bobby Gonzalez, BP, Bristol Palin, Caster Semenya, Chicago Bulls, Chris Bosh, Cleveland Cavaliers, cover charge, Dwyane Wade, ESPN, free agency, gender test, Germany, Gulf Coast, Gulf of Mexico, hermaphrodite, Iran, LeBron James, Levi Johnston, Lindsay Lohan, man-purse, Marsha Revel, Miami Heat, mullet, NBA, New York Knicks, oil spill, People magazine, price gouging, prison, probation violation, profanity, retraction, salary cap, Sarah Palin, Seton Hall Pirates, shoplifting, soccer, South Africa, Spain, Taste of Minnesota, track and field

President Obama reportedly was briefed about the full, devastating extent of the Gulf oil spill crisis within its first 24 hours. He would have taken action immediately, except he had to get ready for that night’s White House reception for the 2009 champions of Arena Football and Major League Eating. White House press corps vet [...]

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Tags: "Jersey Shore", "Top Chef", 2009, 2010 World Cup, adultery, anti-Semite, Arena Football League, Auschwitz, Barack Obama, Bill Walton, blockade, BP, British Petroleum, Chicago Cubs, concentration camps, Dachau, divorce, Elton John, Florida, flotilla, Gaza, Germany, golf, Gulf Coast, Gulf of Mexico, Hearst Newspapers, Helen Thomas, herpes, Holocaust, infidelity, Iran, Israel, Jews, John Wooden, Kathryn Rogers, Keeping Up with the Kardashians, M&Ms, Major League Eating, marriage, Memorial tournament, MTV, Nigeria, North Korea, oil spill, Palestine, Palm Beach, Poland, press corps, Rush Limbaugh, sell-out, sex scandal, So You Think You Can Dance?, soccer, South Africa, stampede, starvation, talk radio, Tiger Woods, Treblinka, UCLA, Valtrex, White House, Wizard of Westwood, world wars

Legendary TV personality Art Linkletter died last week at the age of 97. He’s perhaps most famous for pointing out that these people “Say the Darnedest Things” … A. Kids B. Seniors C. Palins  An Entertainment Weekly survey has determined that the greatest character in television and film over the past 20 years is … [...]

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Tags: "Communist Manifesto", "Get Motivated!", "Kids Say the Darnedest Things", Arlen Specter, Art Linkletter, Barack Obama, Bart Simpson, Bible, Bill Clinton, BP, Brett Favre, bribery, Bubba Gump Shrimp Co., cancer, CBS, Cigarettes, Dick Cheney, Duchess of York, Entertainment Weekly, fuel, Gina Gershon, gospel, Gulf Coast, Gulf of Mexico, Halliburton, Homer Simpson, Indonesia, Iran, Joe Sestak, Lindsay Lohan, Mankato, Minneapolis, Minnesota Vikings, Nancy Pelosi, NFL, O.J. Simpson, oil spill, Prince Andrew, Queen Elizabeth, Roman Polanski, Sarah Ferguson, Sarah Palin, speaker, Transocean, U.S. House of Representatives, United Nations, YouTube

Jockey legend Calvin Borel was back in the winner’s circle last weekend when he rode to victory on top of …   A. Super Saver B. Mine That Bird C. Larry King’s wife Comedian Jay Leno caught some heat for his Correspondents Dinner monologue on Saturday night because he reworked some jokes he previously had told [...]

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Tags: "Deep Throat", "Inferno", "Oprah", 9-11, American Idol, anti-Semitism, autopsy, Barack Obama, Bear Bryant, bomb plot, Brett Favre, Brittney Murphy, California, Calvin Borel, census, coffee, Corey Haim, Correspondents Dinner, Dallas Cowboys, David Cameron, Dez Bryant, Diane Lane, dictator, drug addict, Dubai, eBay, Faisal Shahzad, golf clubs, Gordon Brown, Great Britain, H1N1 virus, Hollywood, Hollywood Squares, Homeland Security, Iran, Jay Leno, jokes, Kentucky Derby, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, Khloe Kardashian, Kim Kardashian, Larry King, Linda Lovelace, Lindsay Lohan, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Michael Bloomberg, Mine That Bird, Minnesota Vikings, monologue, Naomi Campbell, Nathan Lane, New York, Nicole Brown Simpson, nuclear warheads, Oprah Winfrey, Peter King, Philadelphia Phillies, pimp, reality TV, Santonio Holmes, sex scandal, Shawn King, Simon Cowell, Sports Illustrated, Starbucks, Stephen A. Smith, Super Saver, Susan Boyle, swine flu vaccine, Taser, The Tonight Show, Tiger Woods, Times Square, toxicology, United Arab Emirates, waitresses, White House

1. Faisal Shahzad Another proud graduate of the Taliban training camps. (Previous ranking: 7) 2. The Gulf Coast oil spill Spill baby spill! (2) 3. Tasered Phillies fan Can you feel the electricity? (unranked) 4. Greece Brother, can you spare $145 billion? (unranked) 5. Michael Bloomberg Proves you don’t have to be particularly intelligent to become a billionaire. (unranked) 6. Johan [...]

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Tags: bailout, baseball, billionaire, bomb plot, BP, Charlie Rose, Chicago Bulls, Citizens Bank Park, Correspondents Dinner, Cumberland River, Cy Young Award, dwarf, electricity, Faisal Shahzad, financial crisis, fired, flooding, Greece, green, Gulf Coast, Iran, Israel, Jay Leno, Johan Santana, John Paxson, jokes, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, mayor, Michael Bloomberg, midget, Nashville, NBA, NBC, New York, New York Mets, nuclear weapons, offshore drilling, oil spill, Pakistan, PBS, Philadelphia Phillies, recycling, Taliban, Taser, Tennessee, terrorism, Times Square, United Nations, United States, Vinny Del Negro, Washington