1. Julian Assange Reportedly not a rapist. Still a piece of s***. (previous ranking: unranked) 2. Middle East peace talks Always good for a few laughs. (unranked) 3. Roger Clemens His legal strategy proves he IS as dumb as a box of rocks. (1) 4. Rod Blagojevich Charging only $50 per autograph. For another $100, will let [...]

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Tags: "Around the Horn", AOL Fanhouse, Arena Football League, ArenaBowl, Barack Obama, bedbugs, Betty White, Bonnie and Clyde, Casslyn Welch, Chicago Sun-Times, Congress, domestic violence, Empire State Building, ESPN, George W. Bush, Haiti, Heidi Montag, incest, indictment, Israel, Jay Mariotti, John McCluskey, Julian Assange, Lebanon, Manhattan, Middle East, New York, Palestinians, peace talks, presidency, rape, Republicans, Roger Clemens, Rusty Hardin, sex video, Speidi, Spencer Pratt, Spokane Shock, Sweden, Tampa Bay Storm, The Hills, Wikileaks, Wyclef Jean

Investigators in Italy believe some Naples pizza restaurants are using wood from stolen coffins to bake their famous pies. Which might explain why many diners say the pizzas’ haunting aroma reminds them of their grandmother. In response to the unfolding pizza scandal, Domino’s is producing a new set of commercials, telling folks that their pizzas no [...]

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Tags: Arizona, aroma, Barack Obama, baseball, Black Sabbath, Bloomington Jefferson Jaguars, boxing, cancer, citizenship, cockfighting, coffins, commencement address, commercial, corn, dictator, diet, Domino's Pizza, Donald Trump, douchebag, ear, Evander Holyfield, Fox News Channel, Glenn Beck, graduation, grandmother, heavy metal, human remains, illegal immigration, incest, Italy, Lane Kiffin, Liberty University, Michigan Wolverines, Mike Tyson, Mildcats, Miss Michigan, Miss USA, MSNBC, Naples, North America, Northwestern Wildcats, nudity, Ozzy Osbourne, pizza, Playboy magazine, pole dance, Rachel Maddow, Rachel Uchitel, Rima Fakih, Ronnie James Dio, Smith College, Soon-Yi Previn, stripper, Tiger Woods, USC Trojans, vegan, wood, Woody Allen

Former child star Lindsay Lohan reportedly will portray late porn actress Linda Lovelace in her next movie. It’s a surprising casting choice as many in Hollywood felt that Lohan was probably too skanky to portray a porn actress.  A 72-year-old grandmother from Indiana admits she’s having a sexual affair with her 27-year-old grandson and wants [...]

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Tags: "Deep Throat", "Inferno", airlines, alcoholism, Americans, ancillary fees, baggage fees, Barack Obama, behavioral evaluation, Ben Roethlisberger, bomb plot, Chely Wright, Chris Bosh, country music, drugs, flood, free agency, gall, George W. Bush, Grand Ole Opry, Gulf Coast, health care reform, Hollywood, incest, Indiana, John Edwards, lesbian, Linda Lovelace, Lindsay Lohan, mayor, Michael Bloomberg, Nashville, NBA, New York, NFL, oil spill, Pearl Carter, People magazine, Phil Bailey, Pittsburgh Steelers, pornography, Rielle Hunter, Roger Goodell, sexual predator, skank, surrogate, Tennessee, terrorism, Times Square, Toronto Raptors, Twitter, Washington D.C.

Police in Georgia investigating the Ben Roethlisberger case have requested a DNA sample from the Pittsburgh quarterback. They expect Big Ben to comply, because if there’s one thing Roethlisberger is famous for, it’s eagerly sharing his DNA. Roethisberger reportedly admits to having had sexual “contact” with his accuser, who then happened to slip on the [...]

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Tags: "Early Show", "The Dude", Adrian Peterson, bankruptcy, Ben Roethlisberger, bikini area, CBS, colonoscopy, conspiracy theories, cousins, distracted driving, DNA, Florida, fumbles, Georgia, governor, groping, Harry Smith, incest, Jesse Ventura, Katie Couric, LaDainian Tomlinson, Lenny Dykstra, lesbian, Major League Soccer, Minnesota, Minnesota Vikings, Mississippi, New York Mets, NFL, Philadelphia Phillies, Pittsburgh Steelers, Pro Bowl, prom, San Diego Chargers, sex assault, strike

Oprah Winfrey had egg on her face Friday when she tried to wipe the birthmark off Drew Brees’ face, believing someone had smeared lipstick on the New Orleans quarterback. It was the talk show queen’s biggest screw-up since June, when she asked MacKenzie Phillips what she gave her dad for Fathers Day. Pop singer John [...]

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Tags: "Extra", "We Are the World 25", 2010 Winter Olympics, Bill Clinton, birthmark, Bruce Andersland, cauldron, coronary artery, Cowboys Stadium, Dallas, Danica Patrick, Daytona 500, doctors, Drew Brees, egg, Fathers Day, Fox, Haiti, heart, Hillary Clinton, incest, John Daly, John Mayer, John Phillips, lipstick, Los Angeles, luge, MacKenzie Phillips, manure, marital sex, MInnesota Gophers, NBA, NBA All-Star Game, New Orleans Saints, opening ceremony, Oprah Winfrey, Pebble Beach, PGA, Playboy magazine, potholes, public urination, Rachel Uchitel, racism, stent, Super Bowl XLIV, The Great American Race, Tiger Woods, Tim Brewster, Valentine's Day, Vancouver, Vince Vaughn

1. John Edwards   The only thing classier than cheating on a cancer-stricken wife … is to hit her, too. (Previous ranking: unranked)   2. Seantrel Henderson   Gopher tease. (unranked)   3. Dr. Conrad Murray   Ironically, has had a lot of trouble sleeping over the whole Michael Jackson deal. (unranked)   4. Rip Torn   Felt he was cheated out of an Oscar for [...]

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Tags: "Dodgeball", 1998 World Cup, Academy Awards, ankle, cancer, cankle, Conrad Murray, consensual, Dwight Freeney, Elizabeth Edwards, heroin, incest, Indianapolis Colts, infidelity, John Edwards, John Harkes, John Phillips, Leif Garrett, MacKenzie Phillips, Mel Gibson, Michael Jackson, MInnesota Gophers, New Orleans Saints, orange, Oscars, propofol, Rahm Emanuel, Rip Torn, Seantrel Henderson, sex scandal, soccer, Super Bowl XLIV, USC Trojans, White House

Lady GaGa performed for President Obama at Saturday night’s Human Rights Campaign dinner in Washington. White House historians say that might make Obama the first president to be serenaded by a woman with a penis.   The Obama administration sharpened its attacks on the Fox News Channel, calling it a “wing of the Republican Party.” [...]

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Tags: "This Is It", 2012 presidential race, Al Sharpton, Alex Rodriguez, Barack Obama, Brad Lidge, Colorado Rockies, Fox News Channel, Gridiron Dinner, Hillary Clinton, Human Rights Campaign, incest, Kate Hudson, Kim Jong-Il, Lady GaGa, MacKenzie Phillips, Metrodome, Michael Jackson, Mike Tyson, Minnesota, Minnesotans, missiles, MSNBC, NFL, NLDS, Nobel Peace Prize, North Korea, Oprah Winfrey, Paul Anka, Philadelphia Phillies, Republican Party, Rush Limbaugh, St. Louis Rams

Officials at Kings Island amusement park near Cincinnati apologized for and removed a Halloween skeleton display that re-created the Steve McNair murder scene. It will be replaced by an even more frightening attraction, “Ernie Anastos’ Chicken Ranch.”   A 19-pound baby boy was born this week in Indonesia. Doctors said the mother’s discomfort, in carrying [...]

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Tags: "National Lampoon's Vacation", "One Day at a Time", "The Longest Yard", Betty Ford Clinic, Binghamton University, Bruce Springsteen, Burt Reynolds, Chevy Chase, Chicken Ranch, Cincinnati, crack, Dwight Gooden, Ernie Anastos, G-20 summit, Halloween, incest, Indonesia, Janet Gretzky, John Phillips, Khloe Kardashian, Kings Island, Lamar Odom, Los Angeles Lakers, MacKenzie Phillips, New Jersey, New York Giants, Oprah Winfrey, Phoenix Coyotes, Pittsburgh, Plaxico Burress, Randy Quaid, Steve McNair, The Mamas & The Papas, Wayne Gretzky

1. John Phillips  Always dreamed of fathering his own grandchildren. (Previous ranking: 1)   2. Wayne Gretzky  As a coach, not such a Great One. (unranked)   3. United Nations  Treats all crackpot dictators equally. (unranked)   4. Kings Island amusement park  Still working on Halloween Zapruder film re-enactment. (unranked)   5. Lamar Odom & Khloe Kardashian  [...]

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Tags: Boston Red Sox, Curt Schilling, Halloween, incest, John Edwards, John F. Kennedy, John Phillips, Khloe Kardashian, Kings Island, Lamar Odom, MacKenzie Phillips, Michael Crabtree, New York Giants, Phoenix Coyotes, Plaxico Burress, Randy Quaid, Steve McNair, Swine flu, The Mamas & The Papas, United Nations, Wayne Gretzky, Zapruder film

1. John Phillips  “We Are Family!” (Previous ranking: 1)   2. Plaxico Burress  Now realizing pre-emptive admissions of guilt not always the best legal strategy. (3)    3. Moammar Gadhafi  Yeah … they let just about anyone speak at the U.N. (unranked)   4. Marcus Fitzgerald  Finding it difficult to get around with Larry Senior’s foot [...]

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Tags: Arizona Cardinals, Curt Schilling, Dallas Cowboys, Dave Matthews Band, Elizabeth Edwards, Herschel Walker, Holocaust, incest, Iran, John Edwards, John Phillips, Larry Fitzgerald, Libya, MacKenzie Phillips, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Marcus Fitzgerald, Massachusetts, Minnesota Vikings, Moammar Gadhafi, New York Giants, Plaxico Burress, Robert Henson, Terrell Owens, Tony Romo, U.S. Senate, ultimate fighting, United Nations, USFL, Washington Redskins