1. Al Gore Can’t get enough of those massage therapists. (previous ranking: unranked) 2. Jimmy Johnson Heading to Nicaragua for reality TV debut on “Survivor: Impotence.” (unranked) 3. Lindsay Lohan Orange you glad they gave you a fluorescent jumpsuit? (1) 4. Andrew Breitbart Chief snookerer of the vast right-wing conspiracy. (unranked) 5. Tom Vilsack Fire Shirley Sherrod first; [...]

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Tags: "Survivor: Nicaragua", adultery, Agriculture Department, Al Gore, Andrew Breitbart, Barack Obama, Big Government, BP, cheerleading, China, divorce, endorsements, Extenze, Fox NFL Sunday, Fox Sports, Global warming, Gulf Coast, Gulf of Mexico, happy ending, Heisman Trophy, hidden camera, impotence, infidelity, Jimmy Johnson, jumpsuit, Lindsay Lohan, Minnesota Timberwolves, Molly Hagerty, NAACP, National Enquirer, NBA, NCAA, O.J. Simpson, oil spill, prison, reality TV, Reggie Bush, sex addiction, sex assault, Shirley Sherrod, snookered, Southern California Trojans, sport, Tiger Woods, Tom Vilsack, vast right-wing conspiracy, vertical leap, whales, White House

Every number tells a story. And if it doesn’t, we carefully craft one using the finest natural ingredients. 44 Number of Democratic members of Congress willing to have President Obama campaign for them this fall. 4 Length, in seconds, of the average iPhone 4 call before the signal is lost. 7 Joe Mauer’s speed, in [...]

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Tags: "The Decision", 2008 Minnesota Senate race, adultery, Al Franken, Al Gore, All-Star Game, Allen Ludden, anti-Semite, appearance fee, Apple, Barack Obama, baseball, Betty White, birthday party, BP, Brett Favre, bribery, British Petroleum, bullet-proof vest, Cleveland Cavaliers, Congress, Democrats, dogfighting, Election Day, ESPN, ESPY Awards, extradition, felons, free agency, Global warming, governor, Gulf Coast, Gulf of Mexico, infidelity, iPhone 4, Joe Mauer, LeBron James, Lindsay Lohan, manicurist, masseuse, mating, Mel Gibson, Miami Heat, Michael Vick, middle finger, Minnesota, Minnesota Twins, Minnesota Vikings, Molly Hagerty, National Enquirer, NBA, NFL, Norm Coleman, oil spill, Password, Philadelphia Eagles, probation, profanity, racist, reception, restaurant, Roman Polanski, sexist, shooting, slow, statutory rape, Switzerland, tapes, tip, Tom Emmer, Virginia Beach, vote fraud

They have the look, smell and feel of REAL facts, without all of that cumbersome factuality. As part of ESPN’s contract for tonight’s LeBron James show, Michael Wilbon will be required to begin his interview by kissing each of King James’ butt cheeks. Every time someone on TV refers to LeBron James as LBJ, former [...]

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Tags: "Maude", adultery, African-American, Al Gore, Amy Winehouse, anti-Semite, Barack Obama, Bea Arthur, Brett Favre, Bruce Willis, Caster Semenya, caucasian, Chicago Bulls, Cleveland Cavaliers, cologne, Democratic Party, divorce, drug abuse, eBay, Elena Kagan, Elin Nordegren, ESPN, free agency, Global warming, hermaphrodite, high school, infidelity, internal testes, Jews, LBJ, LeBron James, Lindsay Lohan, Lyndon Johnson, massage, masseuse, Mel Gibson, Miami Heat, Michael Steele, Michael Wilbon, Minnesota Vikings, Molly Hagerty, morons, New York Knicks, NFL, overdose, Pamplona, piss, polar warming, prom, Republican Party, Running of the Bulls, sex assault, South Africa, Spain, Tiger Woods, track and field, U.S Supreme Court, ultimate fighting, Unemployment, vinegar, wager, wind breaking

A Biblical scholar from Sweden has come forward with the startling claim that Jesus Christ may not have been crucified. Gunnar Samuelsson says that closer reading of ancient texts show that Jesus may have, in fact, died of boredom while watching the 32 A.D. World Cup. World Cup favorites Brazil and Argentina were knocked out [...]

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Tags: 2010 World Cup, adultery, Afghanistan, Al Gore, anti-Semite, Argentina, Barack Obama, Bible, Bobby Fischer, boredom, Brazil, Brooklyn, California, Charles Bolden, Charles Manson, chess, Cocaine, Coney Island, crucifixion, Diego Maradona, DNA, exhumation, Germany, Global warming, GOP, Gunnar Samuelsson, heat wave, hot dog, hot dog eating contest, Iceland, infidelity, Ireland, Jesus Christ, jet lag, Joe Barton, Leslie Van Houten, Major League Eating, Manson Family, Michael Steele, Michele Bachmann, Molly Hagerty, Muslim, NASA, Nathan's, Northeast, parole board, paternity test, People magazine, sex-crazed poodle, soccer, Sweden, Takeru Kobayashi, Tiger Woods, United States

Al Gore is said to “welcome” the reopening of the police investigation of his 2006 encounter with masseuse Molly Hagerty, who is accusing the former vice president of sexual assault. It’s the most provably false statement made by Gore since the filming of “An Inconvenient Truth.” Al Qaeda, branching out from the terrorism business, is [...]

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Tags: "An Inconvenient Truth", adultery, Al Gore, al-Qaeda, anchor, anti-Semite, Barack Obama, birthday party, blonde, Central Park, Channel 5, crack, Cro-Magnons, Cyndy Brucato, Darko Milicic, David Kahn, Derek Boogaard, divorce, falsehoods, Global warming, historians, infidelity, Inspire, journeyman, KSTP-TV, Manhattan, masseuse, Mel Gibson, Michael Vick, Minnesota Timberwolves, Minnesota Wild, Molly Hagerty, movies, muggers, NBA, New York, NFL, NHL, Oksana Grigorieva, online magazine, Philadelphia Eagles, police, presidents, profanity, quarterback, rabies, raccoons, racist, sexual assault, shooting, Siena, swimsuit issue, terrorism, Virginia Beach

1. Al Gore “He’s saying ‘You know you want to do it.” And I was just thinking ‘Oh my God.’ ” (previous ranking: 5) 2. Wesley Johnson New Wolf would have been better off with … oh … about 29 other teams. (unranked) 3. Italy World Cup surrender was downright French-like. (unranked) 4. Gulf Coast oil spill [...]

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Tags: 2010 World Cup, adultery, Afghanistan, Al Gore, Barack Obama, baseball, BP, British Petroleum, David Petraeus, Devon James, divorce, DNA testing, elimination, endangered species, fires, France, George W. Bush, Global warming, golf, Gulf Coast, Gulf of Mexico, infidelity, Internet, Internets, Italy, Johan Santana, John Isner, Lavender magazine, masseuse, Minnesota Timberwolves, Minnesota Twins, NBA draft, New York Mets, Nicolas Mahut, oil spill, pastor, paternity, pornography, Portland, Rolling Stone, sea turtles, sex assault, soccer, South Africa, Stanley McChrystal, Syracuse Orange, tennis, Tiger Woods, Tipper Gore, Tom Brock, Twitter, Twitters, Wesley Johnson, Wimbledon

Every number tells a story. And when it doesn’t … we make one up. 2000 Number of environmental activists and masseuses who have slept with former Vice President Al Gore since he left office (Figure subject to recount). 17 Minutes that Miley Cyrus spends putting makeup on her crotch before a typical photo shoot. 44 [...]

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Tags: 2000 presidential election, 2010 World Cup, adultery, Afghanistan, Al Gore, Aruba, Barack Obama, baseball, Boston Celtics, BP, bribery, British Petroleum, crotch, David Petraeus, divorce, Dustin Johnson, Florida, France, Global warming, golf, Gulf Coast, Gulf of Mexico, H-O-R-S-E, infidelity, Johan Santana, John Isner, Joran Van Der Sloot, Kevin Garnett, Laurie David, makeup, masseuse, Miley Cyrus, Minnesota Twins, murder, Natalee Holloway, NBA, New York Mets, Nicolas Mahut, oil spill, one-on-one, Perez Hilton, Peru, recount, referee, referees, Reuters, sexual assault, soccer, South Africa, Stanley McChrystal, Stephany Flores, tennis, Tipper Gore, U.S. Open, upskirt, white sand, Wimbledon, Yahtzee!

1. Gen. Stanley McChrystal Ironically, has never even read Rolling Stone. (previous ranking: 1) 2. Barack Obama Has been calling his vice president “Joe Bite Me” for years. (2) 3. Gulf Coast oil spill Oil rain? (5) 4. Johan Santana Which hole was HE playing? (unranked) 5. Al Gore For $540, apparently expects a little more than just [...]

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Tags: "Today Show", adultery, Afghanistan, Al Gore, Barack Obama, baseball, BP, British Petroleum, David Kahn, Dino Ciccarelli, divorce, Global warming, golf course, Gulf Coast, Gulf of Mexico, Hockey Hall of Fame, Holiday Inn, indecent exposure, infidelity, Joe Biden, Joe Bite Me, Johan Santana, John Isner, Lawrence Taylor, masseuse, Minnesota North Stars, Minnesota Timberwolves, Minnesota Twins, National Enquirer, NBA draft, NBC, New York Giants, New York Mets, Nicolas Mahut, oil rain, oil spill, Portland, Rolling Stone, sexual assault, Stanley McChrystal, tennis, Tiki Barber, U.S. military, vice president, Wimbledon

1. Tony Hayward “I can’t answer that question.” (previous ranking: 1) 2. Gulf Coast oil spill Next stop: Cuba! (2) 3. Joe Barton Sick and tired of all those people being mean to BP. (unranked) 4. Kobe Bryant Now a five-time champion a——. (unranked) 5. France Stinks. (unranked) 6. Perez Hilton “Some idiot being an idiot.” (7) 7. Al [...]

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Tags: "An Inconvenient Truth", "female viagra", 2010 World Cup, adultery, Al Gore, blogger, Bobby Fischer, Boston Celtics, BP, British Petroleum, chess, Cuba, exhumation, FDA, flibanserin, France, Game 7, Global warming, Gulf Coast, Gulf of Mexico, gun, Iceland, idiot, infidelity, investigation, Joe Barton, Kobe Bryant, Laurie David, lawyer, Los Angeles Lakers, Marvin Harrison, Mexico, Miley Cyrus, NBA Finals, oil spill, paternity test, Perez Hilton, Philadelphia, shakedown, shooting, South Africa, tar balls, Texas, Tony Hayward, Twitter, U.S. House of Representatives, upskirt

1. Al Gore Now THERE’S an Inconvenient Truth! (previous ranking: unranked) 2. Boston Celtics Apparently wanted to spend another couple of days hanging around L.A. (unranked) 3. Barack Obama Been in charge “since Day One.” Of what, we’re not exactly sure. (unranked) 4. Gulf Coast oil spill Really hard to stop during a lightning storm. [...]

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Tags: "An Inconvenient Truth", 2010 World Cup, adultery, Afghanistan, Al Gore, Barack Obama, blogger, Boston Celtics, BP, brawl, Brazil, British Petroleum, bullfighting, Charlie Sheen, Christian Hernandez, cliff, Dallas, David Petraeus, Day One, divorce, faint, fire, general, Global warming, gored, Gulf Coast, Gulf of Mexico, Hollywood, infidelity, Iraq, Julio Aparicio, Larry David, Laurie David, lightning, Los Angeles Lakers, Mexico City, Miley Cyrus, nausea, NBA Finals, NFL, nightclub, North Korea, oil spill, pedophilia, Perez Hilton, pornography, Runaway Matador, Seoul, soccer, South Africa, South Korea, stolen, suicidal, Tennessee Titans, Tipper Gore, U.S. Senate, underage, Vince Young