1. Terry Jones Yeah … the Koran hater really is as dumb as he looks. (previous ranking: 2) 2. Minnesota Vikings Used to be able to score in double figures. (unranked) 3. Snooki Disappointed to learn “community service” has nothing to do with a sex act. (1) 4. Tom Brady Needs a new car. And a haircut. (unranked) [...]

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Tags: "America's Got Talent", "Jersey Shore", "Perfect Day", "Whip My Hair", 1972 Olympics, car crash, Chris Berman, communism, community service, Cuba, Dove World Outreach Center, ESPN, FIBA, Fidel Castro, Florida, interns, Islam, Jada Pinkett Smith, Jaden Smith, Koran, Lou Reed, marshmallows, Minnesota Vikings, moustache, MTV, Munich, New England Patriots, New Jersey, New Orleans Saints, NFL, Nicole Polizzi, plea bargain, Russia, Seaside Heights, Snooki, Susan Boyle, Terry Jones, Tom Brady, United States, Will Smith, Willow Smith, World Basketball Championships, zaftig

A government investigation has found overwhelming evidence that maggots and rodents are wreaking havoc at … A. Two Iowa egg farms B. A Minnesota meat packing facility C. ESPN Minnesota Vikings fans have cause for concern after this key figure revealed that he has “no idea” if he’ll make it through the season … A. [...]

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Tags: 1974, 2012 presidential race, Alaska, Aroldis Chapman, baboons, Barack Obama, Bill Clement, Bob Kelly, Brad Childress, Brett Favre, Broad Street Bullies, Canada, Chicago White Sox, Cincinnati Reds, citizenship, Cro-Magnon, Cy Young Award, Dave Schultz, Democrats, dreadlocks, egg farms, ESPN, France, Gallup poll, grapes, Great Britain, Hezbollah, Iraq War, Jerry Reinsdorf, Joe Miller, Joe the Plumber, John McEnroe, Lisa Murkowski, Los Angeles Dodgers, maggots, Manny Ramirez, Minnesota Vikings, New York Yankees, NHL, Orest Kindrachuk, Oval Office, Percy Harvin, perjury, Philadelphia Flyers, prime minister, Princess Diana, Republicans, rodents, Roger Clemens, Sarah Palin, soccer, South Africa, Tony Blair, vineyards, wine, women's tennis, World Cup

1. Glenn Beck He has a dream … to bang Sarah Palin after his “Restoring Honor” revival. (previous ranking: unranked) 2. Ken Mehlman Blows any chance at returning to GOP helm. (unranked) 3. Fried beer Gives drunken fat guys something to chew on. (unranked) 4. NFL franchises Value drops 2 percent. White House plans another bailout. (unranked) [...]

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Tags: "Crocodile Dundee", "I Have a Dream" speech, "Jersey Shore", "Restoring Honor", Alan Simpson, AOL Fanhouse, Australia, bailout, Barack Obama, Bristol Palin, cabbie, Dancing with the Stars, Elk River High School, ESPN, football, Forbes magazine, Fox News Channel, fried beer, gay, Glenn Beck, GOP, hazing, Jay Mariotti, Ken Mehlman, Lincoln Memorial, Manhattan, Martin Luther King, Michael Enright, Mike Sorrentino, Minnesota, MTV, Muslim, National Mall, New York, NFL, Paul Hogan, Republicans, Sarah Palin, Social Security, stabbing, taxes, taxi, teen pregnancy, Texas State Fair, The Situation, Washington, White House, Wyoming

Numbers can sometimes have deep meanings. Other times, they’re merely used to craft the most obvious of one-liners … 44 Days until Hillary Clinton drops her first hint about challenging President Obama for the 2012 Democratic nomination. 4 Hours of restless sleep Brett Favre has been getting each night since hearing about Sidney Rice’s hip [...]

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Tags: "Jersey Shore", 2012 presidential race, Adrian Peterson, Afghanistan, African-Americans, Albert Haynesworth, Barack Obama, Ben Roethlisberger, Boston Red Sox, Brett Favre, Chicago, Chicago Cubs, Chicago White Sox, Congress, Democrats, divorce, domestic violence, Dr. Laura Schlessinger, drunk, Elin Nordegren, English, ESPN, fatty, fumbles, Hillary Clinton, hip surgery, human growth hormone, hung jury, Illinois, informants, Jay Mariotti, Johnny Damon, Julian Assange, lie detector tests, Los Angeles Dodgers, lying, Manny Ramirez, migraines, Minnesota Vikings, New York Yankees, Nicole Polizzi, Percy Harvin, Pittsburgh Steelers, Rachel Uchitel, racist, Rod Blagojevich, Roger Clemens, Sammy Sosa, sexual assault, Sidney Rice, Snooki, Steroids, Taliban, teens, texting, Tiger Woods, waivers, Washington Redskins, Wikileaks

Ambulances raced to the Vikings’ Winter Park facility last week after receiving reports that … A. Percy Harvin collapsed B. Sidney Rice injured his hip C. Brett Favre sneezed A surprising new survey finds that roughly one in four traveling businessmen carry this in their suitcase … A. A stuffed animal B. A bible C. [...]

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Tags: "Hannah Montana", Academy Awards, Adolf Hitler, Albert Haynesworth, Alicia Keys, ambulance, Barack Obama, Benito Mussolini, Bible, Big Apple, bowl games, Bozo the Clown, Brett Favre, businessmen, Captain Kangaroo, Cheryl Tiegs, Christian, Christie Brinkley, divorce, DNA, domestic violence, Dr. Laura Schlessinger, Elin Nordegren, England, ESPN, Facebook, George Michael, God, Ground Zero mosque, Jay Mariotti, Jewish, killer whale, Larry Harmon, Los Angeles, Los Angeles Dodgers, Mariah Carey, Miley Cyrus, Minnesota Vikings, Muslim, NCAA, New York, North Korea, Oscars, Percy Harvin, Pew Research Center, pregnancy, retirement, SeaWorld, Sidney Rice, Soon-Yi Previn, South Korea, Sports Illustrated, stem cell research, stuffed animal, swimsuit issue, Tiger Woods, Tilikum, trainer, Twitter, Vin Scully, Washington Redskins, White House, Winter Park, Woody Allen

1. Processed meats A little bladder cancer is a small price to pay for all that tastiness. (previous ranking: unranked) 2. Brad Pitt Now favors death penalty for guy who talked him into doing “Moneyball.” (unranked) 3. Tiger Woods Ladies, he’s available! (unranked) 4. Julian Assange Doesn’t believe in secrets … except when it comes to [...]

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Tags: "Around the Horn", "Big Brother", adderall, adultery, Albert Haynesworth, bladder cancer, BP, Brad Pitt, California, cancer, capital punishment, Chicago, corruption, Cuba, Dawn Brancheau, death penalty, divorce, domestic violence, Elin Nordegren, ESPN, Facebook, Gulf Coast, Illinois, infidelity, Iran, Jay Mariotti, Julian Assange, killer whale, Lindsay Lohan, Middle East, Mike Shanahan, Moneyball, North Korea, oil spill, peace talks, processed meats, reality TV, Rod Blagojevich, San Diego, Sean Penn, SeaWorld, Tiger Woods, Tilikum, war, Washington Redskins, Wikileaks

Brett Favre completed one pass during his only series of play during Sunday’s exhibition loss at San Francisco. The Vikings’ quarterback said he “would have liked another series, but I didn’t argue,” preferring to wait until the regular season before publicly showing up Brad Childress. Lou Piniella retired as the Chicago Cubs’ manager after Sunday’s [...]

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Tags: "Ambassador of Death", "Around the Horn", Atlanta Braves, Brad Childress, Brett Favre, Chicago Cubs, domestic violence, drone, ESPN, Facebook, Flushing Meadows, Iran, Jay Mariotti, Julian Assange, Laura Dekker, Lou Piniella, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Minnesota Vikings, Nathan Lane, Netherlands, New York, North Korea, rape, retirement, sailing, San Francisco 49ers, Serena Williams, Sweden, tennis, U.S. Open, Wikileaks

1. Julian Assange Reportedly not a rapist. Still a piece of s***. (previous ranking: unranked) 2. Middle East peace talks Always good for a few laughs. (unranked) 3. Roger Clemens His legal strategy proves he IS as dumb as a box of rocks. (1) 4. Rod Blagojevich Charging only $50 per autograph. For another $100, will let [...]

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Tags: "Around the Horn", AOL Fanhouse, Arena Football League, ArenaBowl, Barack Obama, bedbugs, Betty White, Bonnie and Clyde, Casslyn Welch, Chicago Sun-Times, Congress, domestic violence, Empire State Building, ESPN, George W. Bush, Haiti, Heidi Montag, incest, indictment, Israel, Jay Mariotti, John McCluskey, Julian Assange, Lebanon, Manhattan, Middle East, New York, Palestinians, peace talks, presidency, rape, Republicans, Roger Clemens, Rusty Hardin, sex video, Speidi, Spencer Pratt, Spokane Shock, Sweden, Tampa Bay Storm, The Hills, Wikileaks, Wyclef Jean

Tiger Woods, despite his recent troubles, says he would be a huge boost to the U.S. Ryder Cup team if chosen by captain Corey Pavin to play next month in Wales. It’s likely true, as Tiger can be an invaluable resource if his teammates start looking for Welsh call girls. A new study by ESPN [...]

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Tags: 2010 PGA Championship, alcoholic, Alligator Point, Barack Obama, BP, California, car crash, China, Corey Pavin, Dustin Johnson, economy, Elin Nordegren, ESPN, eviction, eye gouge, Florida, Francisco Rodriguez, guilt, Gulf Coast, Japan, Jose Canseco, K-Rod, Laredo Broncos, liver transplant, Malibu, Maserati, Mel Gibson, military exercises, minor leagues, New York Mets, North Korea, oil spill, photo op, police, Ryder Cup, Sasha Obama, South Dakota, South Korea, St. Andrews Bay, Texas, thumb, Tiger Woods, umpires, Wales, Welsh call girls

University of Louisville officials say they’re standing behind Rick Pitino despite his tawdry sex scandal. Apparently, the basketball coach did not violate school policy that bans public sex acts lasting longer than 15 seconds. Hip-hop star Wyclef Jean says he’s running for president of Haiti. If elected, he would become the least experienced, most woefully [...]

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Tags: "Vacation", 15 seconds, Academy Awards, Air China, al-Qaeda, American Airlines, Barack Obama, Brett Favre, Charles Rangel, Chicago, Congress, Elena Kagan, ESPN, ethics, God, Haiti, hush money, investigators, Jenn Sterger, Karen Sypher, Lance Armstrong, Los Angeles, Louisville Cardinals, lunch, Mel Gibson, Michelle Obama, Minnesota Vikings, NFL, Oksana Grigorieva, Oscars, performance-enhancing drugs, Poland, pornography, puppies, Republican, retirement, Rick Pitino, sex scandal, sexting, Spain, State Department, terrorism, Tour de France, Tulsa, U.S Supreme Court, U.S. House of Representatives, U.S. Postal Service, U.S. Senate, Versus, Violet Kowal, whore, Wyclef Jean, X Games, “The Daily Line”