Fox News host Glenn Beck’s “Restoring Honor” rally is expected to draw thousands to the Mall in Washington on Saturday. Historians say it could be the largest gathering of nutjobs and saps since the last Netroots Nation convention. Geologists in California say the earthquake prone state is overdue for another “big one.” On the bright side, [...]

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Tags: "Mighty Morphin Power Rangers", "Restoring Honor", 2004 presidential race, acting, Barclays, Blue Power Ranger, Broadway, cab driver, California, Daily Kos, David Yost, divorce, earthquake, Elin Nordegren, Family Circus, Fox News Channel, gay, Geologists, George W. Bush, Glenn Beck, golf, Ground Zero mosque, Ken Mehlman, L.T. Ariyawathi, Los Angeles, Manhattan, Michael Enright, Minnesota Vikings, Muslim, nails, National Mall, Netroots Nation, New York, nutjobs, real Americans, Republican Party, saps, Saudi Arabia, Sri Lanka, Tiger Woods, Tivo, Tony Awards, torture, Wal-Mart, Washington

Numbers can sometimes have deep meanings. Other times, they’re merely used to craft the most obvious of one-liners … 44 Days until Hillary Clinton drops her first hint about challenging President Obama for the 2012 Democratic nomination. 4 Hours of restless sleep Brett Favre has been getting each night since hearing about Sidney Rice’s hip [...]

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Tags: "Jersey Shore", 2012 presidential race, Adrian Peterson, Afghanistan, African-Americans, Albert Haynesworth, Barack Obama, Ben Roethlisberger, Boston Red Sox, Brett Favre, Chicago, Chicago Cubs, Chicago White Sox, Congress, Democrats, divorce, domestic violence, Dr. Laura Schlessinger, drunk, Elin Nordegren, English, ESPN, fatty, fumbles, Hillary Clinton, hip surgery, human growth hormone, hung jury, Illinois, informants, Jay Mariotti, Johnny Damon, Julian Assange, lie detector tests, Los Angeles Dodgers, lying, Manny Ramirez, migraines, Minnesota Vikings, New York Yankees, Nicole Polizzi, Percy Harvin, Pittsburgh Steelers, Rachel Uchitel, racist, Rod Blagojevich, Roger Clemens, Sammy Sosa, sexual assault, Sidney Rice, Snooki, Steroids, Taliban, teens, texting, Tiger Woods, waivers, Washington Redskins, Wikileaks

1. Elin Nordegren The latest Tiger conquest to sell her story to the highest bidder. (previous ranking: unranked) 2. St. Paul Ford plant Turn out the lights; employment’s over. (unranked) 3. Lindsay Lohan “A changed woman.” HAR HAR HARDEE HAR HAR! (unranked) 4. Jim Furyk Golfer’s disqualification should be a real wakeup call. (unranked) 5. Bozo the Clown [...]

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Tags: Adolf Hitler, adultery, alarm clock, Barack Obama, Bobby Bowden, bowhunting, Bozo the Clown, breast implants, cell phone, Chris Coleman, Clarabell, disqualification, divorce, Elin Nordegren, Florida State Seminoles, Ford plant, G-cups, health care reform, Heidi Montag, Hell, infidelity, Jim Furyk, Larry Harmon, Lindsay Lohan, Max Baucus, Montana, MTV, Nazi, oversleep, People magazine, PGA, rehab, Russia, St. Paul, The Hills, Tiger Woods, Tim Pawlenty, U.S. Senate, Unemployment, Vladimir Putin, whaling

Ambulances raced to the Vikings’ Winter Park facility last week after receiving reports that … A. Percy Harvin collapsed B. Sidney Rice injured his hip C. Brett Favre sneezed A surprising new survey finds that roughly one in four traveling businessmen carry this in their suitcase … A. A stuffed animal B. A bible C. [...]

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Tags: "Hannah Montana", Academy Awards, Adolf Hitler, Albert Haynesworth, Alicia Keys, ambulance, Barack Obama, Benito Mussolini, Bible, Big Apple, bowl games, Bozo the Clown, Brett Favre, businessmen, Captain Kangaroo, Cheryl Tiegs, Christian, Christie Brinkley, divorce, DNA, domestic violence, Dr. Laura Schlessinger, Elin Nordegren, England, ESPN, Facebook, George Michael, God, Ground Zero mosque, Jay Mariotti, Jewish, killer whale, Larry Harmon, Los Angeles, Los Angeles Dodgers, Mariah Carey, Miley Cyrus, Minnesota Vikings, Muslim, NCAA, New York, North Korea, Oscars, Percy Harvin, Pew Research Center, pregnancy, retirement, SeaWorld, Sidney Rice, Soon-Yi Previn, South Korea, Sports Illustrated, stem cell research, stuffed animal, swimsuit issue, Tiger Woods, Tilikum, trainer, Twitter, Vin Scully, Washington Redskins, White House, Winter Park, Woody Allen

1. Bozo the Clown The Wilt Chamberlain of children’s television, according to his ex. (previous ranking: unranked) 2. Sidney Rice Smartly waited until Favre returned before scheduling his hip surgery. (unranked) 3. Adolf Hitler Would be just delighted to know he had Jewish and black relatives. (unranked) 4. Tiger Woods And now … back to the ho’s. [...]

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Tags: Adolf Hitler, adultery, Angelina Jolie, anti-Semite, Asian carp, bladder cancer, Bozo the Clown, Brad Pitt, Brett Favre, Chicago White Sox, Deadspin.com, divorce, DNA testing, Elin Nordegren, Fish, Great Lakes, hip, infidelity, intoxication, Larry Harmon, lemon butter, Los Angeles Dodgers, Manny Ramirez, Minnesota Vikings, Oregon State Beavers, Pittsburgh Pirates, processed meats, racist, revenue sharing, Sandra Harmon, Sidney Rice, Southside, Tiger Woods, Tyler Thomas, Wilt Chamberlain

Golden Globe winner Brad Pitt says he’s reconsidering his opposition to the death penalty and would consider it for those responsible for the Gulf Coast oil spill. This shows an increased acceptance of capital punishment within the Hollywood Assclown community. Tiger Woods’ divorce from Elin Nordegren became official on Monday because the marriage is “irretrievably [...]

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Tags: "Jersey Shore", 2004 World Series, adultery, Albert Haynesworth, assclown, Beijing, bladder cancer, bloggers, blubber, Boston Red Sox, BP, Brad Pitt, cancer, capital punishment, Chicago Cubs, China, cork, corked bat, corruption, death penalty, Detroit Tigers, divorce, Elin Nordegren, endorsements, Eric Massa, Golden Globe Awards, Gulf Coast, heart attack, herpes, Hollywood, infidelity, Jesus, Johnny Damon, licensing, Mike Shanahan, Mike Sorrentino, musculature, number, oil spill, Philadelphia, processed meats, Rahm Emanuel, rhabdomyolysis, Rod Blagojevich, Sammy Sosa, Steroids, Taste of Chicago, The Situation, Tiger Woods, towel, traffic jam, Washington Redskins, White House

1. Processed meats A little bladder cancer is a small price to pay for all that tastiness. (previous ranking: unranked) 2. Brad Pitt Now favors death penalty for guy who talked him into doing “Moneyball.” (unranked) 3. Tiger Woods Ladies, he’s available! (unranked) 4. Julian Assange Doesn’t believe in secrets … except when it comes to [...]

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Tags: "Around the Horn", "Big Brother", adderall, adultery, Albert Haynesworth, bladder cancer, BP, Brad Pitt, California, cancer, capital punishment, Chicago, corruption, Cuba, Dawn Brancheau, death penalty, divorce, domestic violence, Elin Nordegren, ESPN, Facebook, Gulf Coast, Illinois, infidelity, Iran, Jay Mariotti, Julian Assange, killer whale, Lindsay Lohan, Middle East, Mike Shanahan, Moneyball, North Korea, oil spill, peace talks, processed meats, reality TV, Rod Blagojevich, San Diego, Sean Penn, SeaWorld, Tiger Woods, Tilikum, war, Washington Redskins, Wikileaks

1. Barack Obama You didn’t think he’d REALLY swim in the Gulf of Mexico, did you? (previous ranking: 2) 2. Dr. Laura Schlessinger She’s her kids’ mom … and a bigot. (1) 3. Ron Gardenhire Only ruined the greatest moment of Kevin Slowey’s life. (unranked) 4. Francisco Rodriguez Forgot the golden rule: Protect your thumbs when committing [...]

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Tags: "Frasier", "Jersey Shore", "Mad Men", adultery, Alligator Point, Barack Obama, baseball, BP, bunker, chicken, Corey Pavin, craigslist killer, divorce, Dr. Laura Schlessinger, Dustin Johnson, Elizabeth Moss, Florida, food-borne illnesses, Francisco Rodriguez, Fred Armison, Gulf Coast, Hollywood, K-Rod, Kelsey Grammer, Kevin Slowey, Minnesota Twins, New York Mets, no-hitter, oil spill, penalty, PGA Championship, Philip Markoff, photo op, racist, Ron Gardenhire, Ryder Cup, salmonella, Saturday Night Live, St. Andrews Bay, talk radio, thumb, Tiger Woods

1. Al Gore Can’t get enough of those massage therapists. (previous ranking: unranked) 2. Jimmy Johnson Heading to Nicaragua for reality TV debut on “Survivor: Impotence.” (unranked) 3. Lindsay Lohan Orange you glad they gave you a fluorescent jumpsuit? (1) 4. Andrew Breitbart Chief snookerer of the vast right-wing conspiracy. (unranked) 5. Tom Vilsack Fire Shirley Sherrod first; [...]

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Tags: "Survivor: Nicaragua", adultery, Agriculture Department, Al Gore, Andrew Breitbart, Barack Obama, Big Government, BP, cheerleading, China, divorce, endorsements, Extenze, Fox NFL Sunday, Fox Sports, Global warming, Gulf Coast, Gulf of Mexico, happy ending, Heisman Trophy, hidden camera, impotence, infidelity, Jimmy Johnson, jumpsuit, Lindsay Lohan, Minnesota Timberwolves, Molly Hagerty, NAACP, National Enquirer, NBA, NCAA, O.J. Simpson, oil spill, prison, reality TV, Reggie Bush, sex addiction, sex assault, Shirley Sherrod, snookered, Southern California Trojans, sport, Tiger Woods, Tom Vilsack, vast right-wing conspiracy, vertical leap, whales, White House

1. Mark Chmura Inducted into the Hot Tub Wing of the Green Bay Packers Hall of Fame. (previous ranking: unranked) 2. Mel Gibson Running back to the old ball and chain … and Australia. (1) 3. Greg LeMond & Lance Armstrong And you thought Floyd Landis was America’s only cycling embarrassment? (unranked) 4. Paris Hilton Still smokin’. (unranked) 5. [...]

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Tags: Alex Trebek, anti-Semite, Australia, baseball, BP, Canterbury Park, Celebrity Apprentice, Chicago White Sox, Coast Guard, Corsica, cycling, Dean Smith, divorce, domestic violence, Donald Trump, doping, Green Bay Packers, Greg Lemond, Gulf Coast, Hall of fame, hip, hot tub, Jeopardy, Lance Armstrong, Lilith Fair, marijuana, Mark Chmura, Mel Gibson, memory loss, Michael Jordan, mistress, North Carolina Tar Heels, oil spill, Oksana Grigorieva, Paris Hilton, Rachel Uchitel, racist, Robyn Gibson, Sarah McLachlan, South Africa, Target Center, tax evasion, Tiger Woods, Tour de France, Wesley Snipes, Zsa Zsa Gabor