Numbers can sometimes have deep meanings. Other times, they’re merely used to craft the most obvious of one-liners … 44 Days until Hillary Clinton drops her first hint about challenging President Obama for the 2012 Democratic nomination. 4 Hours of restless sleep Brett Favre has been getting each night since hearing about Sidney Rice’s hip [...]

Continue reading...

Tags: "Jersey Shore", 2012 presidential race, Adrian Peterson, Afghanistan, African-Americans, Albert Haynesworth, Barack Obama, Ben Roethlisberger, Boston Red Sox, Brett Favre, Chicago, Chicago Cubs, Chicago White Sox, Congress, Democrats, divorce, domestic violence, Dr. Laura Schlessinger, drunk, Elin Nordegren, English, ESPN, fatty, fumbles, Hillary Clinton, hip surgery, human growth hormone, hung jury, Illinois, informants, Jay Mariotti, Johnny Damon, Julian Assange, lie detector tests, Los Angeles Dodgers, lying, Manny Ramirez, migraines, Minnesota Vikings, New York Yankees, Nicole Polizzi, Percy Harvin, Pittsburgh Steelers, Rachel Uchitel, racist, Rod Blagojevich, Roger Clemens, Sammy Sosa, sexual assault, Sidney Rice, Snooki, Steroids, Taliban, teens, texting, Tiger Woods, waivers, Washington Redskins, Wikileaks

Golden Globe winner Brad Pitt says he’s reconsidering his opposition to the death penalty and would consider it for those responsible for the Gulf Coast oil spill. This shows an increased acceptance of capital punishment within the Hollywood Assclown community. Tiger Woods’ divorce from Elin Nordegren became official on Monday because the marriage is “irretrievably [...]

Continue reading...

Tags: "Jersey Shore", 2004 World Series, adultery, Albert Haynesworth, assclown, Beijing, bladder cancer, bloggers, blubber, Boston Red Sox, BP, Brad Pitt, cancer, capital punishment, Chicago Cubs, China, cork, corked bat, corruption, death penalty, Detroit Tigers, divorce, Elin Nordegren, endorsements, Eric Massa, Golden Globe Awards, Gulf Coast, heart attack, herpes, Hollywood, infidelity, Jesus, Johnny Damon, licensing, Mike Shanahan, Mike Sorrentino, musculature, number, oil spill, Philadelphia, processed meats, Rahm Emanuel, rhabdomyolysis, Rod Blagojevich, Sammy Sosa, Steroids, Taste of Chicago, The Situation, Tiger Woods, towel, traffic jam, Washington Redskins, White House

Brett Favre completed one pass during his only series of play during Sunday’s exhibition loss at San Francisco. The Vikings’ quarterback said he “would have liked another series, but I didn’t argue,” preferring to wait until the regular season before publicly showing up Brad Childress. Lou Piniella retired as the Chicago Cubs’ manager after Sunday’s [...]

Continue reading...

Tags: "Ambassador of Death", "Around the Horn", Atlanta Braves, Brad Childress, Brett Favre, Chicago Cubs, domestic violence, drone, ESPN, Facebook, Flushing Meadows, Iran, Jay Mariotti, Julian Assange, Laura Dekker, Lou Piniella, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Minnesota Vikings, Nathan Lane, Netherlands, New York, North Korea, rape, retirement, sailing, San Francisco 49ers, Serena Williams, Sweden, tennis, U.S. Open, Wikileaks

Minnesota gubernatorial candidate Mark Dayton is calling for a “cease fire” on negative campaign advertising between himself and Tom Emmer. Instead, he wants to focus on intelligent, thoughtful ads about Emmer’s 1981 drunk driving case. Golf Channel reporter Jim Gray got into a heated exchange with Corey Pavin on Wednesday, calling the U.S. Ryder Cup [...]

Continue reading...

Tags: 2010 gubernatorial race, 2012 presidential race, al-Qaeda, Barack Obama, bribery, cease fire, Chicago, Chicago Cubs, Citi Field, Cleveland, Corey Pavin, corruption, Democrats, drunk driving, Dutch, euthanasia, Facebook, Floods, Francisco Rodriguez, Golf Channel, Illinois, Jim Gray, jury, Keith Halloran, LeBron James, Mark Dayton, marriage, Miami Heat, Minnesota, monogamy, MSNBC, negative campaigning, Netherlands, New Hampshire, New York Mets, Ohio, Pakistan, Rod Blagojevich, Ryder Cup, Sarah Palin, Savannah Brinson, suicide, Tiger Woods, Timothy Horrigan, Tom Emmer, U.S. House of Representatives

A nearly naked Lady Gaga stole the show at Lollapalooza on Sunday as she dove into the crowd and body surfed among the Chicago masses. Afterward the pop star was no worse for the wear, though several dozen of the fans who came in contact with her needed medical treatment for cooties. Today is primary [...]

Continue reading...

Tags: adultery, Alaska, Asians, blacks, blood diamonds, body surfing, Carlos Silva, charity, Charles Taylor, Chicago, Chicago Cubs, cooties, dating, Democrats, extortion, Free Masons, gays, Greenland, gubernatorial, heart, high school dropout, Hispanics, hobo, homosexual, Hutton Gibson, Johnny Carson, Karen Sypher, Lady GaGa, Levi Johnston, Liberia, Lollapalooza, Louisville Cardinals, Manhattan, Margaret Anderson Kelliher, Mark Dayton, Matt Entenza, Mayans, Mel Gibson, Mia Farrow, Miami, Minnesota Primary, Naomi Campbell, Petermann Glacier, pontiff, Pope Benedict XVI, puberty, reality TV, rhythm, Rick Pitino, Roman Polanski, Sarah Palin, sex scandal, surgery, urine, Wasilla, “Tonight Show”

1. Barack Obama “Mongrel” people? Really? (previous ranking: unranked) 2. Rick Pitino “Less than 15 seconds.” (unranked) 3. Bears Occasionally have a taste for the rich flavor of human flesh. (unranked) 4. Arizona immigration law Will be on Supreme Court’s docket so fast, it will make your head spin. (1) 5. LeBron James Not even his [...]

Continue reading...

Tags: "The View", adultery, Afghanistan, African-Americans, Aisha, Arizona, Barack Obama, bears, Bradley Manning, Charles Rangel, Chicago Cubs, Cleveland, domestic violence, Dominican Republic, ethics, extortion, governor, Harlem, human flesh, illegal immigration, Independence Party, infidelity, Karen Sypher, LeBron James, Louisville Cardinals, Mark Prior, Miami Heat, Minnesota, mongrel, New York, nose, Progressive Field, rent control, Rick Pitino, Rob Hahn, Stephen Strasburg, Supreme Court, Taliban, Time magazine, U.S. House of Representatives, villa, Washington Nationals, Wikileaks, Yellowstone National Park

Sandy Koufax is one of the greatest pitchers who ever lived. Vin Scully is one of the greatest sportscasters who ever lived. What follows might be the greatest performance in each of their careers. It’s September 9, 1965. Just weeks before they were to meet the Twins in the World Series, the Los Angeles Dodgers [...]

Continue reading...

Tags: 1965 World Series, Chavez Ravine, Chicago Cubs, Chris Krug, Harvey Kuenn, Joey Amalfatano, KFI-AM, Los Angeles Dodgers, Minnesota Twins, perfect game, Sandy Koufax, Vin Scully

Chicago Cubs manager Lou Piniella made headlines Tuesday by announcing that, at season’s end, he would … A. Retire B. Sign a contract extension C. Give birth The Gulf Coast oil spill is about to claim another victim, as published reports claim we are just days away from the resignation of … A. BP CEO [...]

Continue reading...

Tags: "Desperate Housewives", "Hannah Montana", "Sex and the City", Afghanistan, Barack Obama, blindness, BP, British Petroleum, Carl-Henric Svanberg, Chicago Cubs, Conspiracy Theory, Democrats, diabetes, diplomacy, Eternal Flame, execution, famine, Fox News Channel, George W. Bush, Glenn Beck, Gulf Coast, Heisman Trophy, intelligence, IQ, Jesse Ventura, Joe Biden, John F. Kennedy, Kathy Griffin, Kim Jong-Il, Kobe Bryant, Leaky the Tarball, Lou Piniella, macular dystrophy, Massachusetts, Mike Garrett, Miley Cyrus, Minnesota, National Review, North Korea, O.J. Simpson, oil spill, Penthouse magazine, Playboy magazine, pregnant, Reggie Bush, retirement, Scott Brown, South Korea, Southern California Trojans, Tiger Woods, Tony Hayward, TruTV, U.S. House of Representatives, USC, Washington Post

1. Lindsay Lohan Just now realizing the judge was serious about sending her to prison. (previous ranking: 1) 2. Reggie Bush Has already hidden HIS copy of Heisman Trophy. (unranked) 3. Brett Favre & Brad Childress Spending some quiet time together so they can … uh … “fill in the blanks.” (unranked) 4. Sumner Redstone Media mogul isn’t above [...]

Continue reading...

Tags: Alberto Contador, Andy Schleck, Ashton Kutcher, athletic director, bowels, BP, Brad Childress, Brett Favre, bribery, CBS, Chicago Cubs, cleansing, Daily Beast, Demi Moore, Electric Barbarellas, etiquette, explosion, governor, Gulf Coast, Hattiesburg, Heisman Trophy, Hugh Hefner, Illinois, Lindsay Lohan, Lou Piniella, Marsha Revel, Master Cleanse, Mike Garrett, Minnesota Vikings, Mississippi, oil spill, Pete Carroll, Peter Lauria, Playboy magazine, prison, Reggie Bush, Rod Blagojevich, Southern California Trojans, Sumner Redstone, The Smoking Jacket, Tour de France, trial, Twitter, USC, Viacom

Kellogg has recalled 28 million boxes of cereal because it had a foul odor and flavor. The company received numerous complaints that boxes of Froot Loops, Apple Jacks, Corn Pops and Honey Smacks stunk so bad that they reminded them of soccer. The United States soccer team was knocked out of the World Cup on [...]

Continue reading...

Tags: 2010 World Cup, adultery, Americans, anti-Semite, Apple Jacks, baseball, birthday party, Carlos Zambrano, cereal, Chicago Cubs, Chicago White Sox, children, Corn Pops, Cy Young Award, Dear Leader, divorce, dogfighting, domestic abuse, dugout, Elin Nordegren, Froot Loops, Ghana, golf course, Honey Smacks, hush money, infidelity, Jewish, Johan Santana, John Isner, Kellogg, Kim Jong-Il, Mel Gibson, Michael Vick, Minnesota Twins, New York Mets, Nicolas Mahut, North Korea, Oksana Grigorieva, recall, sex assault, shooting, sleep, soccer, South Africa, tantrum, teeth, tennis, Thiemo de Bakker, Tiger Woods, tryst, TV ratings, United States, Virginia Beach, Wimbledon