1. Brett Favre Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. (previous ranking: unranked) 2. Bill Cosby Still alive … hasn’t even picked out his burial sweater yet. (unranked) 3. Newsweek Sold for $1, about 98 cents too much. (unranked) 4. Barack Obama Turns 49 today. Blames his predecessor. (unranked) 5. Lindsay Lohan Could really use a [...]

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Tags: 1972 Munich Olympics, 9-11, alcohol, Barack Obama, Bill Cosby, birthday, Black September, Brett Favre, Charlie Sheen, Cosby Sweater, dinosaur, Disneyland, George W. Bush, Ground Zero, Lady GaGa, Lindsay Lohan, Lockerbie, Lorenzen Wright, Manhattan, meth, Minnesota Vikings, mosque, murder, New York, Newsweek, NFL, Pan Am 103, rehab, retirement, rumor, Sage Rosenfels, Sherra Wright, Sidney Harman, Tarvaris Jackson, Time magazine, triceratops, Twitter, unicorn, World Trade Center

1. Al Gore Now THERE’S an Inconvenient Truth! (previous ranking: unranked) 2. Boston Celtics Apparently wanted to spend another couple of days hanging around L.A. (unranked) 3. Barack Obama Been in charge “since Day One.” Of what, we’re not exactly sure. (unranked) 4. Gulf Coast oil spill Really hard to stop during a lightning storm. [...]

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Tags: "An Inconvenient Truth", 2010 World Cup, adultery, Afghanistan, Al Gore, Barack Obama, blogger, Boston Celtics, BP, brawl, Brazil, British Petroleum, bullfighting, Charlie Sheen, Christian Hernandez, cliff, Dallas, David Petraeus, Day One, divorce, faint, fire, general, Global warming, gored, Gulf Coast, Gulf of Mexico, Hollywood, infidelity, Iraq, Julio Aparicio, Larry David, Laurie David, lightning, Los Angeles Lakers, Mexico City, Miley Cyrus, nausea, NBA Finals, NFL, nightclub, North Korea, oil spill, pedophilia, Perez Hilton, pornography, Runaway Matador, Seoul, soccer, South Africa, South Korea, stolen, suicidal, Tennessee Titans, Tipper Gore, U.S. Senate, underage, Vince Young

1. Al & Tipper Gore Can’t wait to see the Inconvenient Mistress. (previous ranking: unranked) 2. Gulf Coast oil spill A criminal investigation should really help get that leak plugged. (1) 3. Barack Obama “A three-hour tour? What is he, Gilligan?” (2) 4. Sarah Ferguson Playing the drunk card. (unranked) 5. Jarrod Wyatt “Satan was in that dude!” [...]

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Tags: "An Inconvenient Truth", "Gilligan's Island", "Sex and the City 2", Al Gore, al-Qaeda, alcoholism, Aspen, Barack Obama, bomb, BP, bribery, Charlie Sheen, Chicago Blackhawks, divorce, Duchess of York, Eric Holder, French Open, Gulf Coast, Gulf of Mexico, investigation, jail, Jarrod Wyatt, Louisiana, monster.com, NHL playoffs, oil spill, Philadelphia Flyers, Robin Soderling, Roger Federer, Sarah Ferguson, Sheil Sa'id al-Masri, Stanley Cup, Tipper Gore, ultimate fighting

    A new government study finds that one in six Americans has been exposed to …    A. Herpes   B. The H1N1 virus   C. Ben Roethlisberger’s Two-Minute Drill    Joe Nathan’s elbow injury has caused great anxiety across Minnesota as fans fear the Twins’ closer in 2010 will be …    A. Jon Rauch   B. Pat [...]

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Tags: "Avatar", "Hanoi Jane", "Jihad Jane", "One Shining Moment"Je, "Pants on the Ground", 1960s, 1985, 9-11, abuse, Academy Awards, Al Gore, Alec Baldwin, Alicia Keys, allegations, American Dairy Association, Andy Kaufmann, Ankle bracelet monitoring devices, Armpit of America, audit, Augusta, Barack Obama, baseball, Ben Roethlisberger, Bob Geldof, breast milk, Brian Denehey, Bronx, cancer, CBS Sports, Chad Ochocinco, charity, Charlie Sheen, chef, Church of Scientology, Cincinnati Bengals, Cleveland Cavaliers, closer, Colleen LaRose, college football, Congress, conspiracy theories, detox, E-Trade, El Salvador, elbow surgery, Elizabeth Canalis, Eric Massa, ESPN, flask, freedom fighters, Gabourey Sidibe, genitalia, George Clooney, George Costanza, Girls Gone Wild, global climate change, Gold's Gym, Gotham Bowl, Green Bay Packers, groping, H1N1 virus, health care reform, hermaphrodite, herpes, Howard Stern, Huffington Post, Internet, Jack Nicklaus, James Cameron, Jane Fonda, Jennifer Hudson, Jesse Ventura, Jim Beam, Joe Francis, Joe Nathan, John Roberts, Jon Rauch, lactation, Lady GaGa, Larry Elder, Latka Gravas, LeBron James, Lindsay Lohan, Live Aid, Masters, Meryl Streep, milkaholic, mind control, Minnesota Twins, Mo'Nique, monologue, naked, NBA, New Amsterdam, New York, New York City, New York Times, NFL, nudity, obesity, Oscars, Pat Neshek, penicillin, PGA Tour, Pinstripe Bowl, Pittsburgh Steelers, Rahm Emanuel, rebels, Renee Zellweger, Robert DeNiro, Seinfeld, sex assault, sex scandal, Sirius satellite radio, Snuggies, Somalia, State of the Union address, Steve Martin, Supreme Court, Tea Party, terrorism, Tiger Woods, true love, U.S. House of Representatives, Vince Lombardi, Yankee Stadium

Canada’s women’s hockey team, after beating the United States for the Olympic gold medal on Thursday night, celebrated out on the ice with beer, champagne and cigars. In other words, it was a typical weekday night for Canada’s women’s hockey team. A leak in the aquarium at the Dubai Mall forced an evacuation of one [...]

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Tags: "Pardon the Interruption", 2010 Winter Olympics, advertising, animal rights, aquarium, Asia, Barack Obama, Beer, blather, Brooke Hundley, Brooke Mueller, cafeteria, Canada, captivity, Central Park, champagne, Charlie Sheen, chicken, China, cigars, crack cocaine, crackhead, degradation, Democrats, Dubai Mall, Earth, ESPN, food, gold medal, groping, Hannah Storm, health care reform, interns, Jim Gibbons, Joan Rivers, killer whale, lawsuit, lead, mall, Manhattan, McNuggets, muggers, Nevada, New York, O.J. Simpson, Orca, Orlando, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, PETA, Republicans, SeaWorld, sex, sex scandal, sharks, shopping center, Steve Phillips, theme park, Tiger Woods, Tilikum, Tony Kornheiser, toys, trainer, tree, U.S. curling, United States, waitress, wilding, women's hockey, World Trade Organization, zealots

1. Toyota “Not totally” fixed. (Previous ranking: unranked) 2. Russia No longer considers hockey a medal sport. (unranked)  3. Tiger Woods “Let’s please give the kid a break,” said the 34-year-old’s agent. (1) 4. Charlie Sheen Spends more time in rehab than out of it. (unranked) 5. Jayson Williams Nothing says “I’m sorry” like reading an apology off a sheet [...]

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Tags: "Pardon the Interruption", "Two and a Half Men", 2010 Winter Olympics, apology, Australia, bald, Canada, Charlie Sheen, comb-over, crack, crashes, Elin Nordegren, ESPN, eye, giant slalom, Hannah Storm, hot dogs, Jayson Williams, Kansas City Royals, Lindsey Vonn, manslaughter, meat byproducts, NBA, New Jersey Nets, Olympic hockey, poll, rat, rehab, Russia, sex scandal, skiing, Tiger Woods, Tony Kornheiser, Toyota, U.S. Congress, Whitney Houston

1. Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab Only the loneliest jihadists are willing to plant explosives under their genitals. (Previous ranking: 3)  2. Adrian Peterson Made Pro Bowl despite dropping a few votes. (2) 3. Brad Childress Deciding which ear plugs to wear during Sunday’s Dome finale. (1) 4. Mike Leach He’s no doctor … but he did stay at a Holiday [...]

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Tags: academic cheating scandal, Adam James, Adrian Peterson, Brad Childress, Brooke Mueller, Charlie Sheen, Clem Haskins, college basketball, college football, Craig James, ear plugs, ESPN, FEMA, Holiday Inn Express, Homeland Security, Houston Rockets, Hurricane Katrina, Janet Napolitano, jihad, John F. Kennedy, Metrodome, Middle Ages, Mike Brown, Mike Leach, MInnesota Gophers, Minnesota Vikings, NBA, NFL, Playboy magazine, Pro Bowl, Texas Tech Red Raiders, The Aughts, TMZ, Tracy McGrady, Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab

1. Janet Napolitano  “The system worked” … no, wait … “our system did not work.” (Previous ranking: unranked)  2. Vikings special teams  Almost perfect on extra points. (unranked)  3. Mark Dayton  Admits he’s a basket case, but STILL thinks he should be governor! (unranked)  4. Susanna Maiolo  Performed Jared Allen’s “calf roping” dance after sacking pope. (1)  5. TMZ  Hello [...]

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Tags: alcoholism, Charlie Sheen, Chicago Bears, depression, Herm Edwards, Homeland Security Department, Indianapolis Colts, Janet Napolitano, Jared Allen, Jimmy Carter, John F. Kennedy, Kim Kardashian, Lindsay Lohan, Mark Dayton, Minnesota, Minnesota Vikings, NFL, Paris Hilton, perfect season, Pete Townshend, Playboy magazine, Pope Benedict XVI, prostitution, Susanna Maiolo, The Aughts, The Who, TMZ

An unstable Italian woman charged at and tackled Pope Benedict XVI during the opening procession of the Christmas midnight mass at the Vatican on Friday. The pontiff was sacked so easily, it was almost as if he were being protected by Bryant McKinnie. It’ll be a frosty night this evening in Chicago as the Vikings [...]

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Tags: 2010 census, 9-11, alcoholism, Brett Favre, Bryant McKinnie, Carolina Panthers, Charlie Sheen, Chicago Bears, Christmas, conspiracy theories, depression, Donald Trump, Florida Gators, Giants Stadium, Golf Digest, House of Representatives, interns, Ivana Trump, Jimmy Hoffa, Mark Dayton, Michele Bachmann, Minnesota, Minnesota Vikings, New York Giants, NFL, PGA Tour, Pope Benedict XVI, sex scandal, Soldier Field, Susan Sarandon, Susanna Maiolo, Teamsters, Tiger Woods, Tim Robbins, Tim Tebow, Urban Meyer, Vatican

1. Susanna Maiolo Leads Vatican league in papal sacks. (Previous ranking: unranked) 2. NWA Flight 253 You MIGHT want to find another way to get from Amsterdam to Detroit. (unranked) 3. New York Giants Another bunch of dogs embarrassed by the Carolina Panthers. (unranked) 4. Charlie Sheen Believes his Christmas morning arrest was an “inside job.” (unranked) 5. ”The Aughts” [...]

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Tags: Amsterdam, anti-Semitism, Bernie Madoff, Brooke Mueller, Carolina Panthers, Charlie Sheen, Detroit, domestic violence, Florida Gators, Gilbert Arenas, Israel, Jimmy Carter, Los Angeles Lakers, Minnesota, NBA, New York Giants, Northwest Airlines, NWA Flight 253, Palestinians, Pope Benedict XVI, Ron Artest, Susanna Maiolo, terrorism, The Aughts, Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, Urban Meyer, Vatican, Washington Wizards