1. Matt Leinart Needs a Hot Tub Time Machine to find his career. (previous ranking: unranked) 2. Kent Hrbek Really digs the Twins’ new field. (unranked) 3. Kanye West Wrote new song for Taylor Swift titled “You’re Almost as Great as Me.” (unranked) 4. Jerry Lewis TIMPANI! It’s time to spank Lindsay Lohan! (3) 5. Craigslist There’s [...]

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Tags: "Hot Tub Time Machine", 2010 elections, adult services, Arizona Cardinals, Beer, Brett Favre, Consumer Reports, craiglist, divot, Floyd Mayweather, Heisman Trophy, homophobe, Javon Walker, Jerry Lewis, Kanye West, Kent Hrbek, Legends Game, Lindsay Lohan, Manny Pacquiao, Matt Leinart, McDonald's, Michaele Salahi, Minnesota, Minnesota Twins, Minnesota Vikings, party crashers, Playboy magazine, racist, Southern California Trojans, spanking, Target Field, Taylor Swift, timpani, Tom Emmer, Tripp Emmer, underage drinking, waivers, White House

The Vikings begin a new season in a few days. As you may recall, the last one ended rather badly. Here’s a compilation. Here’s another take. Note the mournful silence. With all of the local distress, you may have forgotten what a celebration looks like. Here’s one from a New Orleans bar two weeks later, [...]

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Tags: Brett Favre, fans, Fox Sports, interception, Joe Buck, KFAN, Minnesota Vikings, New Orleans Saints, NFC Championship Game, Paul Allen, Super Bowl XLIV, Tracy Porter

Nipsey Russell has been hanging out with the Grim Reaper for several years now, but that hasn’t stopped him from following the NFL with Boy Scout intensity. That’s still our story, and we’re still sticking with it … But before we begin Nipsey’s pro football preview …. a few thoughts from the great one … [...]

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Tags: Adrian Peterson, Al Davis, ankle, Arizona Cardinals, Atlanta Falcons, Baltimore Ravens, Big Blue, Big Easy, blood, Boy Scouts, Brett Favre, Buffalo Bills, butter, butterfingers, Carolina Panthers, Chad Ochocinco, Chicago Bears, Chris Johnson, Cincinnati Bengals, Cleveland Browns, crypt, Dallas Cowboys, Darrelle Revis, Denver Broncos, Detroit Lions, Eli Manning, fumble, Green Bay Packers, Grim Reaper, holdout, hot tub, Houston Texans, Hubert Humphrey, Indianapolis Colts, Jacksonville Jaguars, Kansas City Chiefs, Kevin Cusick, LeBron James, Matt Leinart, Miami Dolphins, Minnesota Vikings, New England Patriots, New Orleans Saints, New York Giants, New York Jets, Nipsey Russell, Oakland Raiders, Pete Carroll, Philadelphia Eagles, Pittsburgh Steelers, Randy Moss, Rex Ryan, San Diego Chargers, San Francisco 49ers, Seattle Seahawks, Silver and Black, Southern California Trojans, St. Louis Rams, Super Bowl, Super Bowl XLV, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Tennessee Titans, Terrell Owens, The Loop’s NFL Picks, Tom Brady, Wade Phillips, Washington Redskins, “Match Game, ” Dean Martin

A government investigation has found overwhelming evidence that maggots and rodents are wreaking havoc at … A. Two Iowa egg farms B. A Minnesota meat packing facility C. ESPN Minnesota Vikings fans have cause for concern after this key figure revealed that he has “no idea” if he’ll make it through the season … A. [...]

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Tags: 1974, 2012 presidential race, Alaska, Aroldis Chapman, baboons, Barack Obama, Bill Clement, Bob Kelly, Brad Childress, Brett Favre, Broad Street Bullies, Canada, Chicago White Sox, Cincinnati Reds, citizenship, Cro-Magnon, Cy Young Award, Dave Schultz, Democrats, dreadlocks, egg farms, ESPN, France, Gallup poll, grapes, Great Britain, Hezbollah, Iraq War, Jerry Reinsdorf, Joe Miller, Joe the Plumber, John McEnroe, Lisa Murkowski, Los Angeles Dodgers, maggots, Manny Ramirez, Minnesota Vikings, New York Yankees, NHL, Orest Kindrachuk, Oval Office, Percy Harvin, perjury, Philadelphia Flyers, prime minister, Princess Diana, Republicans, rodents, Roger Clemens, Sarah Palin, soccer, South Africa, Tony Blair, vineyards, wine, women's tennis, World Cup

Vikings quarterback Brett Favre had some lubricant injected into his injured ankle and says he has “no idea” if he’ll be able to make it through the entire season. He’s going to play it safe, though, by cashing Zygi Wilf’s $20 million check immediately. A new survey finds that only 26 percent of Americans believe Sarah [...]

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Tags: "Restoring Honor", adidas, Alaska, ankle, Barack Obama, birth certificate, birthers, Brett Favre, Chicago Bulls, CNN, cotton-picking, Duluth, George W. Bush, Glenn Beck, Google, Hawaii, Hurricane Katrina, Jordan, lubricant, Major League Soccer, Michael Jordan, Minnesota Vikings, New Orleans, NFL, pay-per-view movies, presidency, Rick Sanchez, Sarah Palin, Scottie Pippen, Serbia, synthetic marijuana, United States, Washington, World Basketball Championships, YouTube, Zygi Wilf

1. Roger Clemens “Not guilty, your honor,” he said with a remarkably straight face. (previous ranking: unranked) 2. Paris Hilton Not just drug charges. Felony drug charges. (1) 3. Brett Favre Lubricant injections in his ankle? Yuck! (unranked) 4. Justin Morneau Don’t hold your breath waiting for him to return. (unranked) 5. Glenn Beck “I have a [...]

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Tags: ankle, arraignment, birth control, birth rate, boxing, Brett Favre, Carla Bruni, Chicago White Sox, Cocaine, concussion, felony, Fox News Channel, France, Glenn Beck, Iran, Jamey Toney, Justin Morneau, Las Vegas, Los Angeles Dodgers, lubricant, Manny Ramirez, Maurice Clarett, Minnesota Twins, Minnesota Vikings, MMA, New York Yankees, NFL, Nicolas Sarkozy, Ohio State Buckeyes, Ozzie Guillen, Paris Hilton, perjury, prostitute, Randy Couture, Roger Clemens, UFC 118, UFL, ultimate fighting, waivers, Washington

Numbers can sometimes have deep meanings. Other times, they’re merely used to craft the most obvious of one-liners … 44 Days until Hillary Clinton drops her first hint about challenging President Obama for the 2012 Democratic nomination. 4 Hours of restless sleep Brett Favre has been getting each night since hearing about Sidney Rice’s hip [...]

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Tags: "Jersey Shore", 2012 presidential race, Adrian Peterson, Afghanistan, African-Americans, Albert Haynesworth, Barack Obama, Ben Roethlisberger, Boston Red Sox, Brett Favre, Chicago, Chicago Cubs, Chicago White Sox, Congress, Democrats, divorce, domestic violence, Dr. Laura Schlessinger, drunk, Elin Nordegren, English, ESPN, fatty, fumbles, Hillary Clinton, hip surgery, human growth hormone, hung jury, Illinois, informants, Jay Mariotti, Johnny Damon, Julian Assange, lie detector tests, Los Angeles Dodgers, lying, Manny Ramirez, migraines, Minnesota Vikings, New York Yankees, Nicole Polizzi, Percy Harvin, Pittsburgh Steelers, Rachel Uchitel, racist, Rod Blagojevich, Roger Clemens, Sammy Sosa, sexual assault, Sidney Rice, Snooki, Steroids, Taliban, teens, texting, Tiger Woods, waivers, Washington Redskins, Wikileaks

Ambulances raced to the Vikings’ Winter Park facility last week after receiving reports that … A. Percy Harvin collapsed B. Sidney Rice injured his hip C. Brett Favre sneezed A surprising new survey finds that roughly one in four traveling businessmen carry this in their suitcase … A. A stuffed animal B. A bible C. [...]

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Tags: "Hannah Montana", Academy Awards, Adolf Hitler, Albert Haynesworth, Alicia Keys, ambulance, Barack Obama, Benito Mussolini, Bible, Big Apple, bowl games, Bozo the Clown, Brett Favre, businessmen, Captain Kangaroo, Cheryl Tiegs, Christian, Christie Brinkley, divorce, DNA, domestic violence, Dr. Laura Schlessinger, Elin Nordegren, England, ESPN, Facebook, George Michael, God, Ground Zero mosque, Jay Mariotti, Jewish, killer whale, Larry Harmon, Los Angeles, Los Angeles Dodgers, Mariah Carey, Miley Cyrus, Minnesota Vikings, Muslim, NCAA, New York, North Korea, Oscars, Percy Harvin, Pew Research Center, pregnancy, retirement, SeaWorld, Sidney Rice, Soon-Yi Previn, South Korea, Sports Illustrated, stem cell research, stuffed animal, swimsuit issue, Tiger Woods, Tilikum, trainer, Twitter, Vin Scully, Washington Redskins, White House, Winter Park, Woody Allen

1. Bozo the Clown The Wilt Chamberlain of children’s television, according to his ex. (previous ranking: unranked) 2. Sidney Rice Smartly waited until Favre returned before scheduling his hip surgery. (unranked) 3. Adolf Hitler Would be just delighted to know he had Jewish and black relatives. (unranked) 4. Tiger Woods And now … back to the ho’s. [...]

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Tags: Adolf Hitler, adultery, Angelina Jolie, anti-Semite, Asian carp, bladder cancer, Bozo the Clown, Brad Pitt, Brett Favre, Chicago White Sox, Deadspin.com, divorce, DNA testing, Elin Nordegren, Fish, Great Lakes, hip, infidelity, intoxication, Larry Harmon, lemon butter, Los Angeles Dodgers, Manny Ramirez, Minnesota Vikings, Oregon State Beavers, Pittsburgh Pirates, processed meats, racist, revenue sharing, Sandra Harmon, Sidney Rice, Southside, Tiger Woods, Tyler Thomas, Wilt Chamberlain

Brett Favre completed one pass during his only series of play during Sunday’s exhibition loss at San Francisco. The Vikings’ quarterback said he “would have liked another series, but I didn’t argue,” preferring to wait until the regular season before publicly showing up Brad Childress. Lou Piniella retired as the Chicago Cubs’ manager after Sunday’s [...]

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Tags: "Ambassador of Death", "Around the Horn", Atlanta Braves, Brad Childress, Brett Favre, Chicago Cubs, domestic violence, drone, ESPN, Facebook, Flushing Meadows, Iran, Jay Mariotti, Julian Assange, Laura Dekker, Lou Piniella, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Minnesota Vikings, Nathan Lane, Netherlands, New York, North Korea, rape, retirement, sailing, San Francisco 49ers, Serena Williams, Sweden, tennis, U.S. Open, Wikileaks