The Loop’s Morning Lines: 7-30-10

Rosetta Triumphs at Asteroid Lutetia by Europeanspaceagency

Astronomers are warning that a giant asteroid by the name of 1999 RQ36 could hit Earth in 2182. While such a collision would likely devastate our planet, it would still leave time for another 172 seasons of “Jersey Shore.”

ESPN officials this week killed a story on LeBron James’ recent partying in Las Vegas because it did not meet their journalistic standards. It’s the first time in a decade that there has been any mention of journalistic standards at ESPN.

Barack Obama became the first sitting president to appear as a guest on the ABC daytime talk show, “The View.” Obama considered the Thursday morning appearance so important, and so vital to the national interests, that he cut short his usual 36 holes of golf that day.

Obama raised eyebrows by telling “View” viewers that African Americans are “sort of a mongrel people.” It’s not known if the Nobel Prize winner came up with that line himself or if he was quoting some old Klansman.

Rick Pitino told a Louisville jury Wednesday that he had sex in an Italian restaurant after a strange woman grabbed him and “opened my pants.” He immediately earned the sympathy of millions of American men to whom that happens every single day.

Pitino said the entire encounter with Karen Sypher lasted “less than 15 seconds,” setting a new world record for the fastest destruction of a reputation.

Famed Hollywood father Michael Lohan has written and produced a new song for his prison-bound daughter Lindsay. It contains a heartfelt message from parent to child and is titled “Won’t You Please Put Me Back in Your Will.”

Once-beefy comedian Drew Carey revealed that he has lost about 80 pounds. He attributed the weight loss to a low-carb diet, and the fact Bob Barker just cut him off at the knees for ruining “The Price is Right.”

New York Rep. Charles Rangel has been formally charged with 13 counts of ethics violations. If found guilty on all charges, the 40-year House veteran will … uh … probably get re-elected anyway.

ESPN’s X Games opened Thursday at the cavernous Los Angeles Coliseum. And the first record of the Games has already been broken as the Skateboard Big Air final took place in front of more that 90,000 empty seats.

Minnesota Independence Party gubernatorial candidate Rob Hahn has admitted he once assaulted his ex-wife and threatened to kill her. It’s the most embarrassing thing to happy to the party since that time it nominated Jesse Ventura.