Reggie Bush by BushleagueTV

1. Reggie Bush

Hiding his Heisman Trophy as we speak. (previous ranking: unranked)

2. Denny Hecker

We won’t be seeing him at Manny’s for about 5 to 10 years. (unranked)

3. Sinkholes

Downtown St. Paul is starting to suck. Literally. (unranked)

4. Kent Hrbek

Holds major league record for sinkhole creation. (2)

5. Barack Obama

“They talk about me like a dog,” says the pouter-in-chief. (unranked)

6. Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart

Old wrestler had a hankering for an Oxycontin-Methadone smoothie. (unranked)

7. Richard Daley

Chicago could really go in the crapper now. Oh wait! … (unranked)

8. School

Never liked it. (unranked)

9. Mark David Chapman

Might have been paroled by now had he murdered a different Beatle. (unranked)

10. Tiger Woods

Added to Ryder Cup team out of pity. (unranked)

Others receiving votes: Randy Moss, Albert Haynesworth, James Sheppard, Bill Lee, Joran van der Sloot, Terry Jones, Colby Rasmus, Dan Hampton, Wayne Rooney, Stephen Slater, Matt Leinart, Kanye West, Jerry Lewis, craigslist, Tripp Emmer, Michaele Salahi, McDonald’s, Floyd Mayweather, Javon Walker.

Matt Leinart by ABetterLA

1. Matt Leinart

Needs a Hot Tub Time Machine to find his career. (previous ranking: unranked)

2. Kent Hrbek

Really digs the Twins’ new field. (unranked)

3. Kanye West

Wrote new song for Taylor Swift titled “You’re Almost as Great as Me.” (unranked)

4. Jerry Lewis

TIMPANI! It’s time to spank Lindsay Lohan! (3)

5. Craigslist

There’s more than just the prostitution ads? (unranked)

6. Tripp Emmer

Who knew 20-year-olds in Minnesota drank beer? (unranked)

7. Michaele Salahi

Has Playboy run out of good-looking reality TV stars? (unranked)

8. McDonald’s

Consumer Reports makes it official: Unadulterated crap. (unranked)

9. Floyd Mayweather

Boxing’s biggest star turns out to be a racist, homophobic assclown. Again. (unranked)

10. Javon Walker

Too washed up for the Vikings. Or is he? (unranked)

Others receiving votes: Joran van der Sloot, Terry Jones, Colby Rasmus, Dan Hampton, Wayne Rooney, Darrelle Revis, Axl Rose, Jay Leno, Jesse Jackson’s Escalade, Tony Blair, Stephen Slater, San Diego Padres, Denny Hecker, Jan Brewer, Tarvaris Jackson, Nyjer Morgan, James Jay Lee, Hurricane Earl, Gulf Coast oil rigs, Prince Frederic von Anhalt, Andy Roddick, Paris Hilton, Pepsi, Jacques Demers.

Hurricane Earl by BigBlackLincoln

1. Hurricane Earl

Like the Kennedys, wants to spend some quality time in Martha’s Vineyard. (previous ranking: 1)

2. Nyjer Morgan

You’d go nuts, too, if you had to play for the Washington Freaking Nationals. (unranked)

3. Jerry Lewis

Wouldn’t be afraid to hit a LADY! (unranked)

4. James Jay Lee

Wasn’t a big fan of Bravo or VH1, either. (2)

5. Gulf Coast oil rigs

Explosive! (unranked)

6. Prince Frederic von Anhalt

Husband of the century. (unranked)

7. Andy Roddick

Kind of like John McEnroe and Jimmy Connors, only more of a pr*ck. (unranked)

8. Paris Hilton

Someone else’s purse magically turns up in her Twitter pictures. (unranked)

9. Pepsi

Sued by War for song-stealing, wondering why can’t we be friends. (unranked)

10. Jacques Demers

Two words you never want to see next to your name: botched hernia. (unranked)

Others receiving votes: Denny Hecker, Jan Brewer, Tarvaris Jackson, Byron Leftwich, T.I., 90210 Day, Brandon Spikes, Rob Dibble, Samantha Ronson, San Diego Padres, Julian Assange, Middle East peace talks, Tony Blair, Manny Ramirez, Penn State’s Nittany Lion, Victoria Azarekna, Fidel Castro, Sun Myung Moon, Josh Koeppel, John Kerry.

Hurricane Earl by NASA Goddard Photo and Video

1. Hurricane Earl

Could do more damage to Jersey Shore than “Jersey Shore.” (previous ranking: unranked)

2. James Jay Lee

Here’s an Inconvenient Truth: There’s one less “parasitic human” soiling the Earth. (unranked)

3. Tony Blair

Could hold his liquor, but preferred to drink it. (unranked)

4. Penn State’s Nittany Lion

Speaking of drunks … (unranked)

5. Victoria Azarenka

Drops out of U.S. Open. Literally. (unranked)

6. Manny Ramirez

Plays the “No Speak Anglais” card after decades of talking in English. (6)

7. Fidel Castro

So, so sorry about that half century of persecuting gays. (unranked)

8. Sun Myung Moon

Buys back Washington Times for $1, clearly overpaying. (unranked)

9. Josh Koeppel

Next time, he’ll ride his moped AROUND the truck. (unranked)

10. John Kerry

Richest guy in Congress at $188 million … but will never be president. (unranked)

Others receiving votes: Brandon Spikes, Rob Dibble, Samantha Ronson, San Diego Padres, Julian Assange, Middle East peace talks, vuvuzelas, Jeremiah Masoli, Plaxico Burress, Frank & Jamie McCourt, “La Barbie”, Lady Gaga, Mark Ingram, Barack Obama, Roger Clemens, Rick Sanchez, Troy Polamalu, Mike Wise, Chris Chelios, Cancun.

Lady Gaga by Ama-lia

1. Lady Gaga

Next time you’re in St. Paul, for the love of God, put on some clothes! (previous ranking: unranked)

2. Mark Ingram

So much for back-to-back Heismans. (unranked)

3. Barack Obama

You’d almost think The Iraq Surge was his idea. (unranked)

4. Roger Clemens

Enjoys post-arraignment golf with wife … because Mindy was busy. (1)

5. Rick Sanchez

After CNN dumps him, might be cotton picking for a living. (unranked)

6. Manny Ramirez

Costing White Sox only 130 grand per game. (8)

7. Troy Polamalu

Maybe WE should have insured our hair for $1 million back in the day. (unranked)

8. Mike Wise

Columnist apparently felt there was a dire shortage of fake news. (unranked)

9. Chris Chelios

Finally gets the hint at 48. (unranked)

10. Cancun

It’s a vacation to die for. (unranked)

Others receiving votes: Frank & Jamie McCourt, Lindsay Lohan, “La Barbie”, Hurricane Earl, Elk River football, Paris Hilton, Brett Favre, Justin Morneau, Glenn Beck, Maurice Clarett, U.S. birth rate, James Toney, Carla Bruni.

Roger Clemens by Keith Allison

1. Roger Clemens

“Not guilty, your honor,” he said with a remarkably straight face. (previous ranking: unranked)

2. Paris Hilton

Not just drug charges. Felony drug charges. (1)

3. Brett Favre

Lubricant injections in his ankle? Yuck! (unranked)

4. Justin Morneau

Don’t hold your breath waiting for him to return. (unranked)

5. Glenn Beck

“I have a big, fat mouth.” (2)

6. Maurice Clarett

Will spend a few weeks in UFL, then probably back to prison. (unranked)

7. U.S. birth rate

Apparently we’re using WAY too much protection. (3)

8. Manny Ramirez

Can’t wait for the first time Ozzie Guillen calls him a lazy f***. (unranked)

9. James Toney

Took only one match to prove he was washed up as an ultimate fighter, too. (unranked)

10. Carla Bruni

French first lady is a “prostitute” … just ask Iran’s state media. (unranked)

Others receiving votes: Hurricane Earl, Antonio Bryant, Donovan McNabb, Ambiorix Burgos, Elk River football, Levi Johnston, Taliban, Carol Mann, Nikolai Khabibulin, John McEnroe, Marcus Jordan, Stephen Strasburg.

1. Paris Hilton

Thought her previous police mugshots weren’t hot enough for Facebook. (previous ranking: unranked)

2. Glenn Beck

Saving the crazy for his NEXT big rally. (1)

3. U.S. birth rate

Sinking almost as fast as the employment rate. (unranked)

4. Levi Johnston

Apologizes for lying last month when he was apologizing for lying. Yes … he definitely has a future in politics. (unranked)

5. Taliban

Threatens aid workers in flood-stricken Pakistan. You stay classy, Taliban! (unranked)

6. Carol Mann

Whatever happened to the LPGA hall of famer? Oh yeah … she’s trying to start a holy war. (unranked)

7. Nikolai Khabibulin

Looking at six months wearing pink underwear in Arizona’s “Tent City” jail. Another proud moment for the NHL. (unranked)

8. John McEnroe

Says women pros are playing too much tennis? YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS! (unranked)

9. Marcus Jordan

What happens in Vegas doesn’t stay in Vegas when you’re Michael Jordan’s tweeting fool of a son. (unranked)

10. Stephen Strasburg

See you in a couple of years! (unranked)

Others receiving votes: Yovani Gallardo, Vincent Jackson, Ambiorix Burgos, Manny Ramirez, Matt Leinart, North Carolina football, Roger Clemens, Donald Fehr, Ken Mehlman, fried beer, NFL franchises, Michael Enright, Elk River football, “Dancing with the Stars”, Jay Mariotti, Alan Simpson, Paul Hogan.

Glenn Beck by Gage Skidmore

1. Glenn Beck

He has a dream … to bang Sarah Palin after his “Restoring Honor” revival. (previous ranking: unranked)

2. Ken Mehlman

Blows any chance at returning to GOP helm. (unranked)

3. Fried beer

Gives drunken fat guys something to chew on. (unranked)

4. NFL franchises

Value drops 2 percent. White House plans another bailout. (unranked)

5. Michael Enright

It’s like he hadn’t seen a Muslim cab driver in New York before. (unranked)

6. Elk River football

You know the hazing is bad if they suspend an entire team. (unranked)

7. “Dancing with the Stars”

Dredging for “Stars” … and the best they can do is Bristol Palin and The Situation. (unranked)

8. Jay Mariotti

Suspended by AOL Fanhouse. Both of his loyal readers upset. (unranked)

9. Alan Simpson

Social Security is a cow with 310 million WHAT? (unranked)

10. Paul Hogan

Banned from leaving Australia until he makes “Crocodile Dundee 4.” (unranked)

Others receiving votes: David Paterson, Blockbuster Video, Matt Leinart, North Carolina football, Philadelphia Phillies, Will Forte, American Airlines, Roger Clemens, Rob Dibble, Manny Ramirez, Stephen Strasburg, Donald Fehr, Elin Nordegren, St. Paul ford plant, Lindsay Lohan, Jim Furyk, Bozo the Clown, Adolf Hitler, Max Baucus, Vladimir Putin, Bobby Bowden, Heidi Montag.

Elin Nordegren by Sgsnbgs

1. Elin Nordegren

The latest Tiger conquest to sell her story to the highest bidder. (previous ranking: unranked)

2. St. Paul Ford plant

Turn out the lights; employment’s over. (unranked)

3. Lindsay Lohan

“A changed woman.” HAR HAR HARDEE HAR HAR! (unranked)

4. Jim Furyk

Golfer’s disqualification should be a real wakeup call. (unranked)

5. Bozo the Clown

Had very special relationship with Clarabell. (1)

6. Adolf Hitler

Laughs in Hell every time he hears Barack Obama compared to Nazis. (3)

7. Max Baucus

Not even the author of Obamacare has read the damn thing. (unranked)

8. Vladimir Putin

Russian despot kills whales with his own bare hands. How manly! (unranked)

9. Bobby Bowden

“Pushed out” after only 112 years at Florida State. (unranked)

10. Heidi Montag

Discovers G-cups are not for everyone. (unranked)

Others receiving votes: Sidney Rice, Tiger Woods, processed meats, Brad Pitt, Asian carp, Tyler Thomas, Pittsburgh Pirates, Manny Ramirez, Evgeni Plushenko, Jay Mariotti, Albert Haynesworth.

Bozo the Clown by Monimania

1. Bozo the Clown

The Wilt Chamberlain of children’s television, according to his ex. (previous ranking: unranked)

2. Sidney Rice

Smartly waited until Favre returned before scheduling his hip surgery. (unranked)

3. Adolf Hitler

Would be just delighted to know he had Jewish and black relatives. (unranked)

4. Tiger Woods

And now … back to the ho’s. (3)

5. Processed meats

Only about 50 percent actual meat. (1)

6. Brad Pitt

One of Angelina’s top 100 lovers of 2010. (2)

7. Asian carp

A menace to the Great Lakes, but just fine when sautéed in lemon butter. (unranked)

8. Tyler Thomas

Naked came the stranger, in a three-point stance. (unranked)

9. Pittsburgh Pirates

How to financially succeed in baseball without really trying … to win. (unranked)

10. Manny Ramirez

On the Southside of his career. (unranked)

Others receiving votes: George Michael, Bobby Bowden, Sammy Sosa, Paris Hilton, Shirley Sherrod, Evgeni Plushenko, Chad Ochocinco, Julian Assange, Rod Blagojevich, Jay Mariotti, Albert Haynesworth, Lindsay Lohan, SeaWorld, North Korea’s Facebook page.